Chapter 20: Not him
When they arrived back inside, Lorelai felt ashamed that she had left Sara alone for so long and she immediately sat down on Saraâs bed, observing her daughter.
âShe slept right through. They gave her the medicine against the pain through the IV, so they didn´t need to wake her up.â Emily told her quietly.
âYour father and Rory packed some stuff for Sara, Luke, and you itâs in the bag over there. Itâs just some clothes and toiletries.â Kirsten said after another moment of silence.
âDid John call again?â Lorelai asked Emily and bit down on her lip.
âHe called a few minutes ago and said that the operation will be over soon and that he will call again when they are finished. Luke is doing fine.â Emily said and tried a little smile, to reassure Lorelai.
âI think I will change and freshen up, and then change Sara out of this smelly hospital gown, while I´m waiting for news.â Lorelai sighed.
âI will go and ask a nurse if that is okay.â Emily said and was out of the room before Lorelai could say another word.
Lorelai lifted herself up slowly and felt like an old woman. Her back was aching, like the rest of her body, and every step exhausted her. The last time she had felt like this, she had been pregnant with the twins, but then Luke had been there to carry her around and attend to her every wish. Tears came into her eyes once again and she was surprised that she had any left after last night.
The face in the bathroom mirror didn't look like her own; it was swollen and ugly, with deep dark circles around her eyes, which were puffy and red. If Luke could see her like this he would be shocked. She needed to fix this, because she didn´t want to scare him when he came out of the operating room. She found some jeans and a blue shirt in the bag, as well as her make-up and water-proof mascara. She thanked Rory silently for knowing her so well, brushed her teeth, and blew her nose before she emerged out of the bathroom.
âYou´re looking better.â Kirsten told her and Lorelai tried to smile back, but wasn´t really succeeding.
âMrs. Danes, your mother told me that you want to change Sara. That´s okay, you just have to be careful with the IV and try not to move her leg.â The doctor said when he came through the door that second.
âOh really, I thought I could just rip off the IV and her cast!â Lorelai snapped aggressively, before she looked down, ashamed of herself.
âI'm sorry.â She told him quietly.
âIt´s okay, I know that this is a very difficult time for you, but I also have good news. Dr. John Lionel called me and told me that your husband is out of the operating room and you can go and see him.â Lorelai threw Sara's nightgown on the bed and froze. Luke was alive.
âGo, Iâll change her.â Kirsten told her and shoved her in the direction of the door.
When Lorelai stepped outside, the doctor right behind her, she found her mother on a chair next to the door, a tissue pressed to her mouth, to quiet the sobs.
âLuke is out of the operating room. He is alive, mom.â Lorelai told her while she rushed past, and missed the new flood of tears from Emily's eyes, this time out of relief.
John already awaited her in front of the intensive care unit.
âIs he already awake?â She asked him hopefully.
âNoâ The doctor shook his head.
âWhen will he wake up?â She wanted to know and grabbed his arm.
âLorelai, I think we should sit down for a second.â He said and led her to some chairs which stood nearby.
âWhat´s wrong?â She started to panic again.
âLorelai, I already told you that your husband has very serious injuries. It is a miracle that he survived this operation, after all the complications and his severe injuries. He is still far from being stable and the next 24 hours are very critical. He had two cardiac arrests in the last twelve hours and his lung is not working the way it should. Because of this and the extreme pain he would be feeling the doctors decided to put him into an artificial coma.â
âWhat? Why?â
âBecause it is better for him and helps him to recover, because otherwise his whole body would be in a constant alarm situation because of all his injuries and his heart couldn´t take it. He can´t breath on his own and he needs non-stop supervision, which means that he is hooked up to several machines. I just want to prepare you for this, because it isn´t a pleasant sight. If you want to you can go in now.â He said and squeezed her hand.
âBut if he´s in a coma he doesn´t even know that I´m here.â Lorelai whispered.
âNobody knows how much people in a coma know about their surroundings, but I am sure he can hear you. He needs you. When you´re in there he knows what he´s fighting for.â
âOr he gets upset because it´s my fault he is lying there. I... I really shouldn´t go in there.â Lorelai cried self conscious again.
âLorelai, he needs you. Go in there. I don´t know what happened, but I can´t imagine you would ever do something like this to your husband and your daughter willingly, so this is not your fault! Now go.â He pulled her up and before she knew what had happened she stood in Luke´s room, wearing one of his green gowns herself.
Luke´s legs were covered with a blanket, but around his hip she saw that they had put him in a strange plaster-construction. His upper body wasn´t covered or clothed, but she could barely see anything under all the wires and tubes. He had several bandages, casts, and band aids on nearly all parts of his body. His face, or what she could see of it, was swollen, slightly blue, and covered with scratches. There was another bandage around his forehead and his nose and mouth were covered by the intubations.
Lorelai stood in shock next to the door for a few minutes, taking him in and listening to the several beeping sounds in the room.
When she walked over to the side, where she could at least make out his hand under the bandage, she tried to see something familiar in the person lying in front of her, but she couldn´t. Her husband was strong, beautiful, healthy... this wasn´t him.
With her index finger she stroked over one of his fingers that came out of the bandage, when she found the courage after another couple of minutes.
âGod Luke, what have I done?â She asked him with a quivering voice, while her tears dropped on his hand.
âI´m so sorry, so sorry, I should be laying here, not you.â She cried, when her knees gave in and she kneeled next to him on the floor, pressing her face to his fingers.
She had no idea how long she sat next to him on the floor, sobbing and mumbling apologies, but at some point she realized that someone pulled her up and led her out of the room, before everything went dark around her.
âLorelai? Lorelai?â Emily´s voice came to her ears when she slowly regained consciousness.
âMom?â She asked with a raspy voice.
âThank god, you´re awake again.â Emily exclaimed and pressed a kiss on Lorelai´s cheek, which surprised her.
âWhat happened?â Lorelai asked and sat up, realizing, that she too lay in a hospital bed, her feet propped up on some pillows.
âYou broke down in Luke´s room and became unconscious when they led you out.â
âThey put him in a coma, mom. He looks horrible! His face is swollen and blue and without the name tag on his bed you don´t even recognize him.â Lorelai told Emily, who took her hand.
âLorelai, I know this is hard and that you feel horrible and that you´re worried, but you have to take care of yourself. While Luke is in such a bad state, the kids need you even more. I know how you´re feeling, but please, sleep for awhile, then eat something and compose yourself!â Emily begged.
âYou know how I feel? You have no idea how I am feeling at the moment! My husband might die and I might never see him alive and healthy again. I am so scared I can´t think straight! How would you know how I am feeling? You never had to worry about anything, other than when dad had some little problems with his heart.â Lorelai suddenly yelled.
âAll right, obviously the fact that my only daughter ran away at 17, with her baby, and we didn´t know if she was dead or alive for weeks, doesn´t put me in the position of understanding, because it didn´t affect me a bit back then! I only lay in bed for weeks, crying my eyes out, because I thought I would never see them again.â Emily yelled right back and they stared at each other.
âMrs. Danes, you are awake again. Very good, because so is your daughter. We tried to give her something to eat, but she wouldn´t. Maybe you could try it?â A nurse, who entered the room, asked.
âYes sure.â Lorelai nodded and slowly stood up. She walked past Emily towards the door, then stopped, turned around and came back to her mother, who was still staring at the empty bed.
âIâm sorry, but... help me mom. I don´t know how to get through this. I need you.â Lorelai whispered when she hugged Emily suddenly. Emily held her close and gave her a squeeze before they walked into Sara´s room together, where Kirsten was reading a story to the girl.
âGood morning, my angel. The nurse told me you were awake, which is great because I am hungry and we can have breakfast together.â Lorelai greeted Sara with fake joy in her voice and hoped her daughter wouldn´t notice. She kissed her, careful not to hurt her.
âWow, look you have bread with honey. Here, one peace for Mommy...â Lorelai said, sat down on the bed, and held a piece of bread in front of Sara´s mouth. The girl didn´t react.
âSara, come on. Eat this little piece, for me, pretty please!â Lorelai pouted and tried to cover the fear which arose in her chest when her daughter still wasn´t reacting.
âSara, you need to eat to get healthy. What do you think your daddy will say when he visits you and you´re not eating? Come on babe... one piece for your daddy!â Lorelai said quieter this time, it hurt to speak about Luke and the pictures from just minutes before popped up in her head.
Sara didn´t move any part of her body other than her eyes. For the first time since the accident she looked at Lorelai before she slowly opened her mouth.
Lorelai succeeded to feed Sara most of the slice of bread and ate the rest herself, to please her own mother, who sat on a chair beside the windows and chatted quietly with Kirsten.
When there was a knock on the door all looked up surprised and before anyone could say a word the door was pushed open and William ran in. He threw himself into his motherâs arms and instinctively she pressed him against her without thinking about it.
When William pulled back a bit and looked at her she realized that he wasn´t crying, like she had thought.
âMommy, are you okay?â He asked and stroked over her cheek.
âI´m fine Will. Don´t worry about me, okay? I´m fine.â
âMommy, Rory told us that daddy will need time to get better, but don´t worry I will help you. I will be the man of the house as long as daddy isn´t home.â He assured her and wiped away the few tears, which had spilled from her eyes once again.
âOh Will...â She mumbled and buried her face in her sonâs shoulder.
âMom?â Rory asked and stroked over her motherâs hair after she had greeted Sara without getting a reaction from her.
âRory, you´re here?â Lorelai tried to smile, but failed.
âYeah, Laila is still with Sookie, but William insisted on coming here and seeing you, Sara, and Dad.â
âIt´s okay,â Lorelai nodded and kissed Williamâs hair.
âMommy, can we go and see daddy?â He asked.
âHoney, your daddy is asleep and he will be for awhile because the doctors gave him a sleeping pill, so he won´t feel the pain from his injuries.You will have to wait a while before you can go and visit him.â Lorelai explained. William thought about it then nodded.
âOkay,â He agreed.
âMom, we thought you might want to get home for some time and look after Laila, she is pretty freaked out and cried the whole night, although William tried to soothe her. And grandpa needs you to decide some stuff.â
âI can´t. I need to stay here.â Lorelai refused.
âLorelai, go, take your son home and take care of Laila. We will stay here and if there is any news we will call you immediately.â Emily jumped in.
âCome on, I´ll drive you.â Kirsten spoke up also.
âBaby, you heard them, but mommy will be back very soon.â Lorelai told Sara and took William´s hand. Before they reached the door, William ran back to Sara.
âI brought you piggy!â He told her, pulled the little pink pig out of his jacket pocket and laid it on top of Sara.
âBye Sara!â He said and ran back to Lorelai, grabbed her hand and led her out the door, to the parking lot.
TBC