[LizEvans]

Paved Paradise: Wake


Jess stood shaving in front of the shared bathroom mirror when Luke came up from the diner Thursday in the early afternoon. “About time you got up here,” Jess commented, “we have to be at Lorelai and Rory’s by one.”

“Um, Lorelai doesn’t want me to drive over with her,” Luke told him, “She wasnts me to come later with Sookie and Jackson.”

“It’ll blow over, you know,” Jess assured him. He could tell Luke was hurt by Lorelai’s request.

Luke sighed, “I know. I really thought yesterday was the day, but nothing. How about Rory? I haven’t really talked to her at all.”

“She’s dealing with it better than Lorelai, I’d say. She’s cried a bit, we talked about her grandparents. I helped her write the eulogy for Mr. Gilmore last night,” Jess updated.

“Rory and Lorelai really switched role here, hmm?” Luke observed.

“Definitely a freaky Friday moment,” Jess agreed, “but I think this is Lorelai’s weird attempt to protect Rory.”

Luke shrugged and altered to subject a bit, “So you and Rory, huh? Where does that stand?”

Jess wiped his chin with a towel, “No where. I’m not putting any eggs in the basket until things settle down for her. I’m just glad she called me.”

Luke removed his shirt and moved to reapply his deodorant, “Me too. I’m glad you had your act together enough to be able to help her.”

Jess paused in the act of exiting the bathroom and looked in Luke’s eyes, “And I have you to thank for that,” he said seriously.

Luke blushed, “Jess, you don’t have to…”

“Yeah, I do,” Jess interjected, “so let me say it. Things like this make you sit up and take notice, how short like is and it makes you appreciate what you have. If you hadn’t thaken me in and seriously kicked my ass, I wouldn’t have made anything of myself. So, I know I was a pain in the ass, but thank you, Uncle Luke.”

Luke stared at Jess dumbfounded. He knew Jess appreciated it, but the way he vocalized it was so mature and heartfelt. Jess really had grown up. Luke reached over and embraced Jess in a manly hug, “I owe you a little bit too. That tie did the trick.”

Jess laughed and busied himself with putting on his shoes, “Say Uncle Luke, you need any extra worked downstairs,” Jess asked.

“Um, not really. I’ve got Caesar and Lane, why someboday need work?” Luke replied.

“Well, I was thinking of maybe moving back here going to the community college. Jess told him, “and I’ll need a job to help for it.”

“You want to go to college?” Luke replied, “Did you finish…”

“Got my diploma at Adult School,” Jess answered, “But the tuition is $4500 a term.”

Luke shook his head, “Jess, if you want to go to school, the money’s yours. But you have to go to school, Jess.”

“Luke, I want to do this,” Jess assured him, “bit I don’t want a freebie.”

“We’ll work it out, “Luke told him, tying his tie, “now you better get over to Lorelai’s.”

Lorelai answered the door when Jess knocked some minutes later. Rory was in her room and called out, “That better be a stocking or panty hose salesman.”

“Hi, Jess,” Lorelai greeted then called over her shoulder, “No such luck. It’s only Jess.”

“Should I ask?” Jess inquired raising one eyebrow.

“I wouldn’t,” Lorelai advised, “Come on in.”

Jess went inside and leaned over to give Lorelai an awkward hug, “I’m really sorry about your parent. I don’t know if I said that.”

“Thank you, Jess,” Lorelai replied, “and thank you for taking care of Rory.”

“I promised her she could count on me,” Jess said, “and these days I’m keeping my promises.”

Lorelai nodded and shut the front door just as Rory came out of her room dressed in her funeral dress, basic black but long and modest, not short and sexy.

“Hi, Jess,” she greeted with a half smile.

“Hey, you look pretty,” he complimented.

“So do you, I mean, I’ve never seen you in a tie before.”

Jess shrugged, “Yeah, well it seemed appropriated.”

Lorelai went to get her purse, leaving Rory and Jess alone for a few moments, “Where’s Luke?” Rory asked.

“At the apartment. Your mom didn’t want him going over with us,” Jess explained.

“I don’t understand her. I know she loves Luke,” Rory declared, “I don’t know why she’s pushing him away.”

Jess put his arms around Rory and held her to him, “For the same reason you’re pulling me in,” he replied, “it’s the way in which you manage grief. And that can’t be criticized.”

Rory nodded, “I just know how much better I feel with you her to hold me,” she whispered against Jess’ chest.

Gently he stroked her hair, “Rory, your mom will open up to Luke and when she’s ready he’ll be waiting.”

“Luke’s a good man,” Rory stated.

“I know, he’s become my guidepost in a lot of way,” Jess confided pulling back from Rory so he could see her eyes, “I want to be more like him I’ve decided to move back to Stars Hollow go to college, and make something of myself,” Jess told her.

Rory couldn’t help but smile, “Jess, that’s terrific. I know you’d come to your senses. You’d be so great at college.”

“I’m glad you’re happy about it, Rory. It’s good to see you smile.” He leaned over to kiss her.

Lorelai rejoined them just as the kiss broke, “Everybody ready?”

“As ready as I’ll get I suppose,” Rory replied, “Do you want Jess to drive?”

“No, I’m fine,” Lorelai replied, taking her keys and heading for the Jeep.

Christopher was all ready in the parking lot when Lorelai pulled up with Rory and Jess. He greeted her with a quick hug and peck on the cheek. He did the same with Rory and shook Jess’ hand.

They walked into the funeral home. Lorelai first, Christopher directly behind her, with Rory and Jess brought up the war.

Jess knew Rory never had the experience of losing someone close to her, and he wanted to prepare her for the mental shock of seeing her grandparents in caskets. He pulled her arm to halt her, “Rory before you go in there, I just want to prepare you,” Jess began, “this experience will be unlike any other you’ve had so far. It’s going to seem real and unreal all together, and it’s going to be eerily quiet.”

Rory nodded, “Jess, I’ve been to wakes before.”

Jess shook his head, “Not someone close like this you haven’t,” Jess replied, “It’s very different, but I’m here. You ready?”

Rory nodded and Jess let her go into the hugs funeral room. He hovered just behind her.

Lorelai had all ready said her prayer and now sat on the settee in the front of the room. Christopher sat just behind her in the first row of mustard colored chairs. Lorelai hadn’t reacted at all to the sight, she just numbly moved away.

Rory approached the caskets steadily; shoulders squared head held high Jess was not even a foot behind her, quietly prepared.

Rory knelt on the kneeler, and then rose quickly studying her grandparents. They looked asleep, the looked at peace, yet they were eerily still. She examined her grandmother, hair and make-up still perfect, nails still unchipped. Then she studied her grandfather. He still had such presence. She’d miss him.

Lorelai, Chris and Jess watched Rory like she was a ticking bomb. One’s reactions to this sight were typically very violent when they came, each wanted to be prepared.

Jess noticed it first, the slight quake in Rory’s hand as she raised it to her mouth. Lorelai was next, when Rory’s shoulder slumped and her knees collapsed. It finally hit Christopher when Rory hit the floor.

Jess joined her down there immediately, wrapping his entire body around her quaking form, pulling her close to him, “Ssh, it’s okay, Baby,” he crooned, “It’s okay.”

Lorelai knelt with Jess and stroked her daughter’s arm, “Let it out, Rory,” she told her, “It’s okay. They’re at peace and they’re together.”

The ringing of a bell signified it was two o’clock and other mourners would be arriving, Jess shifted Rory so he could left her off the floor and carried her to the settee where he sat holding her on his lap.

Luke was the first to arrive after the door opened and after a prayer of respect to Emily and Richard, he went to Lorelai, “Hey, Lor,” he greeted kissing her lips lightly, “the flowers are beautiful.”

“Yeah,” she replied, “white roses are very appropriate for funerals.” It shocked her how much she’d sounded like Emily.

“Um, Sookie and Jackson are outside with Michel,” Luke told her, “They’ll probably be as many people from Stars Hollow from Hartford.”

Lorelai shrugged, “Probably. Um, I have to speak to Tom about something,” Lorelai said her voice growing thick, “Could you check on Rory? Seeing them in the…it shocked her. I’ll be right back.”

“Sure,” Luke said, “do what you need to do.”

Lorelai nodded and hurried away. What she needed to do was cry and she knew it. She just couldn’t allow it. She had to be in control, emotionless. Things had to be done correctly and emotion could never enter into one’s social obligations. Where had she heard that? Her parents. That was the easy question. The harder one was when had she started to believe it?

Luke sat down next to Rory, who’d moved off of Jess’ lap and composed herself. “Howy you doing, Kiddo?”

Rory sniffed, “All right. I’m glad you’re here. So is Mom.”

Luke quickly hugged Rory, “I know. Uh, there’s Miss Patty.”

It started then, on after another groups of mourners came to pay their respects. Miss Patty and Taylor, Sookie, Jackson and Michel, the Kims, Kirk, Bootsey, Andrew, numerous business associated of Richard’s, and endless socialite friends on Emily’s. By the end of the night both Lorelai and Rory were ready to scream from hearing endless platitudes. None of those things made it easier in fact; they made it harder to bear. But such was the way of wakes. It was only with Jess and Luke’s silent support that they made it through the Thursday. Nothing, however could prepare them for Friday.

Luke and Jess arrived at the funeral home Friday evening only minutes after Lorelai and Rory. They wanted to get there early because both Luke and Jess knew that the final viewing tonight and the last goodbye tomorrow would be very hard on both of their girls.

Luke entered the quiet room to see Lorelai in quiet conversation with Lindsey and her mother. Jess, seeing this, immediately looked around for Rory, who was not in the viewing room.

Luke and Jess walked up to the side by side caskets, said their prayers of respect and joined Lorelai and Lindsay. Luke kissed Lorelai's cheek, "Hey, Sweetheart, I see Laura and Lindsay beat us."

"We can't stay very long," said Lindsay, "Dean just got done at work so..."

"Lorelai," Jess asked as soon as Lindsay mentioned Dean, "Where's Rory?"

"She, uh, went downstairs," Lorelai replied. Before she could finish her sentence, Jess headed after her.

Dean had moments before followed Rory to the lower level of the funeral home. He wanted to talk to her, apologize for the other day before Jess arrived.

"Hey," he greeted when Rory exited the bathroom, "How are you?"

"Fine," Rory replied, "What are you doing here?"

"I came, we came, to pay our respects to you and your Mom," Dean began, "but I wanted to apologize for the other day."

Rory sighed, "That's very considerate of you, Dean. Apology accepted."

"It's just you and I..."

"Don't make excuses, Dean," Rory told him, "What's done is done."

"Let me explain, Rory. Please," Dean requested, "I was a jerk, at least let me explain why."

Rory sighed and delicately sat down on the print sofa provided for smokers, "All right," she agreed, "but do it quickly."

Dean sat on the sofa next to Rory and ran a hand through his hair, "When I saw you and uh, him..."

"Jess," Rory corrected, 'His name is Jess."

"Jess," Dean repeated dumbly, "When I saw the two of you on the bridge, looking so cozy...I knew you were back with him and..."

Again, Rory cut him off, "Jess has grown up a lot since the last time I saw him after Liz's wedding. He's become more focused and..."

"You don't have to list his good points," Dean interjected, "unless you're trying to convince yourself."

"I am convinced that Jess..." Rory began but was silenced.

"I remember last May," Dean told her. "Do you remember last May? What happened between us? What we shared?"

"Of course, I remember," Rory replied, "I also remember it was a tragic mistake."

"How can you say that, Rory? We made love, and it was beautiful. It was us, you and me together. We were great together once, and we were great together that night." Dean was pleading with her now, "You gave yourself to me, Rory. You love me. Not hi...not Jess."

Jess stopped on the stairway when he heard Dean's voice. He seemed sorry for upsetting Rory on the bridge the other afternoon and Jess didnt' want to be jerky about Rory talking to Dean, that would be so...Dean. So he waited and was shocked by what he overheard.

"How can you say that, Rory? We made love, and it was beautiful. It was us, you and me together. We were great together once, and we were great together that night," Dean was saying to Rory in a pleading tone. Jess couldn't believe his ears. Dean and Rory, when Dean was married to Lindsay. He couldn't believe it. Nor could he believe the next part of the conversation.

"You gave yourself to me, Rory. You love me. Not hi...not Jess."

Jess held his breath and waited for Rory's reply. When he heard her answer, he felt like the knife that had pierced his heart when Dean spoke of their love making was brutally twisted, "It's true, Dean," Jess heard Rory reply, before he turned, and fled back up the steps, he just couldn't bear to hear anymore.


While Rory was occupied with Dean and seemingly, Jess, Lorelai greeted people on her own with Luke and Christopher at her side. She wished someone could feed her names for these faces. Some of them she knew but did not recall, some of them, she could not even recall meeting, and some of them, she knew and wished she'd never have to see ever again. Half the time the faces and the voices didn't even register in her head, they just mumbled meaningless platitudes. Some of the face registered however, and Lorelai would make small talk until they moved on. Still other, registered and Lorelai prayed to be able to crawl under a rock. No such luck there.

"Lorelai," a familiar voice greeted, "it's been a long time."

Lorelai's eyes moved to meet the face of Max Medina, "Max," she acknowledged, "Yes, it has."

"I'm very sorry for your loss," Max said, "You're parentswer good people."

Lorelai nodded and unconscioulsy brushed a hair out o fher eyes with er left hand. The glint of the diamond caught Max's eye.

"Ah, well, I see congratulations are in order along with condolensces," Max indicated her ring, "Who's the lucky guy?"

"Um, that," Lorelai said gripping Luke's hand, "Would be Luke Danes. Luke, you remember Max Medina?"

Luke nodded, and shook Max's hand, "Yes, nice of you to come. I'm sure Lorelai appreciates it."

Max pumped Luke's hand and sighed, "You're a lucky man, Mr. Danes. There's nobody like Lorelai," Max looked at her face and held her eyes with his, "Nobody."

Max moved away from the little cluster and looked about for Rory, who was still downstairs talking with Dean. Jess had come up the stairs and now sat on the sofa, alone in the back not having stayed to hear the rest of Rory's answer.


"It's true, Dean" Rory replied, "I did love you, but I don't think I was ever...in love with you."

"But we..."

"I know," said Rory, "but that's why it was so tragic. I cheated myself out of giving myself to someone I was in love with because my heart and head were screaming two different things."

"So, you're saying you're in love with Jess?" Dean asked studying the ground.

Rory nodded, "I think so."

"Then, there's no hope for us? No future?" Dean asked sadly.

Rory shook her head, "Not as anything more than friends. You have a life, Dean. You have Lindsay. Don't throw that away on chasing a dream."

"I can't acceoot that we'll never be together, Rory," Dean replied.

Rory rose from her seat on the sofa, and sighed deeply, "Then we have nothing more to talk about. I should get back to my Mom." With that, Rory headed upstairs leaving Dean staring after her.


Lorelai watched Max retreated towards the back of the room and saw that Jess had reappeared in the funeral parlor without Rory. He sat down on the sofa in the back corner alone, elbows on knees, head in hands. The classic depressed position. Loreali was about to call Luke's attention to it when she found herself face to face with Jason Styles.

"Lorelai," Jason greeted, "I'm so sorry."

"Luke," Lorelai said calmly, not meeting Jason's eyes, "Please remove him from my sight."

"Lorelai," Jason said, "I'm here to pay my re..."

"Luke, please," Lorelai repeated. Luke dropped her hand and reached for Jason's elbow, "Jason," he said evenly, "perhaps it would be best if you left." Luke pulled gently on his arm, but Jason shrugged out of his grip, "I'm not here to upset anyone..."

Luke sighed, "But yet, you are. Now, please..."

This time Jason let Luke lead him away. Jason was slimmy and shrewd, but he didn't seem harmful, "Look," Luke began, "Whether she'll show it or not, Lorelai's pretty upset by what happened, naturally. And the last time you and her father and mother had dealings, you were suing him and wreaking all sorts of havoc. I hope you understand, but I think seeing you is just too painful for her."

Jason nodded, "Let her know I'm sorry. About...well...everything."

"I will," Luke replied as Jason left. Then he returned to Lorelai.

Luke studied his fiancee as he walked back to her. Her eyes were dry, her make-up was perfect, every hair was in place. She wasn't emotional or reactionary in any way at all, instead she was stoic and collected. And he was worried.

Shortly after Jason left, Rory returned to the viewing room alone. She saw Jess sitting in the back of the room alone admist the mourners who were quickly milling about the room.

"Hey," she greeted, sitting down beside him, "Are you all right, Jess?"

Jess looked like he'd been hit with a baseball squarely between the eyes. He looked like he'd lost his best friend. He looked like someone had broken his heart.

Jess wanted to get angry at Rory, confront her with the new information, but this wasn't the time or place for such a discussion. It wasn't like she cheated on him, they weren't together then. In fact, they were barely together now. Jess knew he had to answer Rory's query, so he copped out, "I'm fine. I just have a headache."

Rory learned whiel she and Jess were dating that he and Luke suffered from chronic headaches, "Oh, poor baby," she comforted, kissing his temple, "want to go downstairs and lie down on the sofa?"

Jess shook his head, "No. I'll be fine," he replied. Then turned his gaze to study the doorway. Rory's eyes followed his and she visibly stiffened. Jess noted her reaction and asked, "Rory, who are those people?"

"Straub and Francine Hayden. My Dad's parents."

Lorelai smiled and nodded and shook hands as more people milled about the room. Group after group went by relatively unacknowleged until Luke heard Lorelai and Christopher gasp simultaneously, "Your parents. My parents."

"Hello, Lorelai," greeted Straub, "we've come to pay our respects to you and your girl."

"Yes," Francine added, "We are very sorry for your loss. Christopher, you're here?" Francine registered her son's presence.

"Of course, I am, Mother," Christopher replied, "It's Lorelai's parents. Rory's grandparents."

"Don't patronize us, Christopher," Straub scolded, "We know perfectly well that Richard and Emily were the girl's grandparents."

Luke wasn't sure who these people were. He heard Christopher say they wre his parents, Rory's paternal grandparents. They should be proud of her, as proud as Richard and Emily had been. Their aloofness towards her, calling her the "girl," irked him. Lorelai was battling, he could see that. He had to do something.

"Rory," he said without preamble, looking at Straub and Francine, "her name is Rory and I believe you are the Haydens, Christopher's parents. Luke Danes, Lorelai's fiancee." He extended his hand.

Straub shook the offered hand, "I'm Straub Hayden and my wife is Francine Hayden."

"Nice to meet you," Luke stated, "I wish it were under better circumstances, but still, I'm so glad that Rory," he emphasized her name, "still has a set of grandparents left. She's a really remarkable kid, but I'm sure you know that. I'm as proud of her as I would be if I were really her father, instead of her stepfather-to-be."

Straub looked uncomforable, Francine and Lorelai studied their shoes, and Christopher shifted his weight nervously from one leg to the other as Luke continued his digs at Straub. "It's such a wonderful thing seeing your child's child so successful and beautiful. I can't wait to experience it myself."

Straub missed Luke's point entirely, he thought this man was referring to Gigi, his legitimate granddaughter, his little princess, "Well, we don't know how successful she'll be, she's still a toddler, but she is very beautiful."

Christopher's face reddened at that as did Luke's. Luke could feel Lorelai's hand gripping his her entire arm trembling, "Dad, he was talking about Rory. My firstborn, who attends Yale."

Straub sighed, "Ah, yes. Well, Mr. Danes, I'll beg your pardon. Francine and I are not very well acquainted with Tory, seeing as it as he existence that kept our son from achieving his Princeton education."

"Dad," Christopher jumped, "Rory's birth had nothing to do with me not going to Princeton. I've explained that to you."

Francine bit her lip and Lorelai dug her nails into Luke's hand, this was not the time or place for this sort of scene.

"Ah, yes," Straub acknowledged, "you did that. But, if it's not the girl's fault, who's is it? Either her waste of a father, or her whore of a mother."

The words had barely hit the air before Straub's mouth was full of Luke's fist. Francing shrieked as he fell backwards under the force and Christopher grabbed Luke's shoulders to keep him from repeating the blow, "It's not worth it, Luke," he said, "It's not worth it."

Luke straightened up and looked at Straub who was rising and straightening his clothing,"Get out of here now," Luke hissed through clenched teeth, "Nobody speaks to her like that. Christopher, Mrs. Hayden, I'm sorry," Luke apologized.

Lorelai was still frozen in the same position. Luke gently put his arms around her and held her trembling body, "Sit down, Honey," he urged, pressing her into a chair, "Are you okay?" His eyes were filled with deep concern.

"I'm fine, Luke," Lorelai replied, pulling away from Luke's embrace to sit up on her own.

Rory and Jess watched the exchange occur between Luke, Lorelai, Christopher and the Haydens as Rory relayed to Jess her limited histoyr with her paternal grandparents.

"Wow!" Jess sighed, "I can't imagine your grandpa doing that."

"I know," Rory replied, "but even after everything that went down between grandpa and my mom, he still loved her and she was still his child. He protected her."

'Yeah, you know," Jess observed, "Your mom did really well for herself. She has her own inn, a great house, a great daughter..."

"Yeah, some people would resent me for being born, for messing up their lives. My dad's parents feel that way, but Grandma and Grandpa..." Rory's voice cracked, "After I met my dad's parents for the first time, I was feeling really bad and my grandma said no matter what upsets or disappointments wer discussed, I was neither and upset or a disappointment. I really needed to hear that."

Jess pushed his own hurt feelings aside when he saw Rory's eyes tearing up and moved to hold her. Before he was able to take her into his arms, they heard Francine shriek and turned to see that Luke had just laid Straub out with a solid punch to the mouth.

"Jess," Rory urged, "Go stop, Luke."

Jess hurried over to Luke, but Christopher was all ready holding him. Jess heard his uncle order the older nam from the premises before he turned to comfort a shaking Lorelai. Jess helped Christopher show his father the door, before returning to his uncle's side.

"Everyone okay?" Jess asked, seeing Lorelai pull away from Luke.

"Yeah, Jess, it's fine," Luke replied, "She's fine. I'm fine."

"How are you?" Lorelai asked. "You seemed upset before."

"I'm good," Jess replied, "it's nothing that can't wait. I better get back to Rory."

After the excitement died down, the rest of the evening went by smoothly. Finally, it was time to go home and prepare for the long day ahead.

Jess had wanted to talk to Rory, to ask her about her feelings for him and for Dean. He decided to wait. Today and tomorow were about Lorelai and Rory, and being there for them. Jess was sure of his feelings or his love for Rory, and he had to prove that by being there, by being selfless. Later, when she was calm and she didn't need him anymore, there would be time to be angry and hurt. There would be time for questions. When it was over, he would talk about their future. For now, he'd just be there for her and forget about himself. For now, when she needed him, he'd just simply love her as she once loved him, with no strings attached.