[LizEvans]

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Paved Paradise: Funeral


See Part One for disclaimers

Saturday was usually the favorite day in the Gilmore house, but this Saturday was different. After this day, nothing would be the same and Lorelai and Rory knew it.

Luke and Jess picked the girls up at nine and drove the half hour to the Hartford Memorial Home. Christopher met them in the parking lot before they entered. Tom Roth met Lorelai in the hallway as soon as they had all walked in the door.

“Ms. Gilmore, just so I have this correct, the limo will consist of you, your daughter, Mr. Hayden, Mr. Danes, and Mr. Mariano?” The old gentleman asked referring to his papers.

“Yes, then the cars can sort out their own order,” Lorelai replied blankly, “The assignments will cause too much trouble.”

Mr. Roth nodded, “Yes, I’ve all but done away with that practice. We call out friends, extended family, immediate family and so on,” he clarified, “A few more detail, once we get into the church, the processional hymn will be “Amazing Grace”, the rest hymns are “Just a Closer Walk with Thee” and “Peace in the Valley”, and the recessional hymn is “How Great Thou Art”, correct?”

Again Lorelai nodded and Mr. Roth continued, “Also, you’ve decided your daughter will eulogize your father and you will do so for your mother. Correct?”

“Yeah, that about covers it. We only went over this six times in the last two days,” Lorelai snapped.

“Lorelai!” Luke said her name with a warning in his tone.

“I’m sorry,” Lorelai apologized, “Let’s just get this over with.” With that, she left the little groups in the vestibule.

Rory looked at Jess who observed, “She’s not going to make it through the funeral.”

Rory shook her head, “Yeah she will. She’ll be fine. My Mom’s pretty tough.”

“But even tough nuts crack under the right pressure,” Jess replied, “Speaking of tough, how are you holding up, Sweetie?”

“I’m good. I did enough crying,” she said, with a small smile.

“There’s no such thing,” Jess assured her, “You cry all you want. I’m here for you,” he told her kissing her gently before taking her hand and leading her into the viewing room.

Once again, it seems as many citizens of Stars Hollow arrived for the funeral as people from Hartford. They all sat quietly as the Reverend spoke a prayer and blessing over Emily and Richard before Mr. Roth directed friends and extended family to say their final goodbyes before heading to the church. When everyone left, Christopher, then Rory and Jess made their way up. Rory cried a bit as she placed a post of Fez in Richard’s casket and her junior Deb pin in Emily’s casket. Finally, when Jess, his arm securely around Rory, moved her away, Luke and Lorelai said their prayers and goodbyes. Luke watched Lorelai’s face. It was stone, firmly set stone, not a hint of emotion showing. He knew Lorelai well. She was always emotional, excitable, this coldness and distance scared him.

While Jess had to take Rory away, Lorelai moved away on her own and caught up with Rory, “You okay, Sweets?”

“I’m okay,” Rory replied, “How are you?” Rory was worried too.

“Oh, fine,” Lorelai answered, “Ready? Let’s get going.”

The funeral procession took them to the church, where Lorelai and Rory sat in the first pew, Luke, Jess, and Christopher sat along side them.

Rory’s mind was racing, her heart pounding. She spoke in front of people all the time, but today she was scared. She was scared she would not make it through her speech. Before she knew it, she had worried away the first half of the sermon and the Reverend was calling her name. Jess squeezed her hand for support before she rose to speak.

“Good morning,” Rory greeted in a flat voice, “It was often a dream of mine to make a speech about my grandfather. However, all the times I’ve had that dream, it was never here, like this. In my dream, we were inside a fancy banquet hall, all dressed up, and Grandpa was being names Man of the Year or something of equal prestige, and while I was up at the podium talking he was out there, smiling,” her voice cracked and she studied her paper. “But, I guess in a way, my dream is coming true, because I know Grandpa is here in spirit, listening and smiling, while I have this wonderful opportunity to share with all of you what a wonderful man my grandfather, Richard Gilmore, was.”

Rory took a deep breath and looked out at the full church. Her teary eyes locked with Jess’ who gave her a smile of encouragement.

“Many of you gathered here today knew Richard Gilmore, but in some way, that same number really did not know Richard Gilmore. Sure, you knew his name, his face, his brilliance and his drive, but you knew very little of the softer side of him, of the side that I knew, for I knew Richard Gilmore the man. There were a hundred little things, little quirks and idiosyncrasies that made him unique and special. It was an honor...th...that...I...knew him,” Rory was beginning to cry and sob, her breath breaking up her sentences into choppy word clusters, “Mmm...o...on...ly regr...” She couldn’t finish. She couldn’t even breathe, the emotion of this final tribute too much for her to bear.

Luke looked at Lorelai who was still stone faced. He looked back at Rory, when he felt Jess move away from him out of the pew.

Most of the room gave a collective gasp when Jess moved to join Rory at the pulpit. He quickly hugged her, smoothed her hair, and guided her to the steps where Christopher met her and helped her to sit down in the pew. The rest of Richard’s eulogy was read in Jess’ steady, clear voice.

“My only regret is that I didn’t know him for very long. I only got to know my grandfather in the last four years or so although I knew of him before that time, our time together was limited. Those four years were the most precious times of my life. In that time, I learned so much from him and about him and I’d like to share a glimpse of that man now,” Jess read from the paper he and Rory worked out.

“I’d like to share a glimpse of the man who golfed with his granddaughter on Sunday mornings, a piece of the man who supported and encouraged her ridiculous dreams of touring Fez. I want you all to see the man who would take a Cosmo quiz to make his granddaughter happy on her birthday and the man who would share his coveted morning paper with her when she spent the night at his house.

“I want you to understand the man who would defend his daughter against any enemy in spite of their misunderstandings, even when that enemy came in the shape of a friend. I want you to understand the man who would let his little girl sneak out a bedroom window to escape a boring blind date. I want you all to see the man behind the mask, the one who unconditionally love in the face of anger and upset, the one who christened his own beloved mother, Trix, just for fun, and the man who in spite of everything was proud of his family. That’ the kind of man Richard Gilmore was, that’s the kind of man we loved, and that’s the kind of man we’re all going to miss.”

Jess folded up the paper and silently moved back to the congregation. He slid in the first pew where Rory was sitting with a crumbled up tissue in her hand and silently took her into his arms. “Thank you,” she whispered. In response, he kiss her hair.

Lorelai was next. She rose to her full height, poised, confidant, no hint of emotion, the opposite of Rory’s execution. In a clear voice, as clear as Jess’ had been she began to speak, “I thought for days about what I was going to say when it finally came time to do this and funny until this actual moment I couldn’t think of anything to say. Now, it seems only appropriate to quote a set of lyrics of a song that my mother and I both liked when I was younger. Joni Mitchell asked, “Don’t it always seem to go that you don’t know what you’ve got till it’s gone?” No truer words were ever spoken,” Lorelai paused and met Luke’s gaze, she drew strength from its steadfastness, “My mother and I never saw eye to eye, in fact, I can hear her chastising me for quoting Joni Mitchell at a funeral. I think part of that never-ending conflict was because we were both strong opinionated women and those opinions often differed and differed radically. We argued often, sometime bitterly, but still Emily Gilmore was a woman worthy of respect.

“I made many mistakes in my life, done things against my mother’s plan for me, mostly because of my own stubborn pride. I believed my parents never understood me, never cared, but I was wrong. They understood me too well, they only did what they did to protect me. I realize that now, too late.”

Rory, still being held securely by Jess, stifled a sob. Luke felt his stomach lurch when Lorelai paused for breath, and Christopher let out a long sigh. He, like Luke, knew Lorelai’s stoic composure was about to break.

‘While they were alive, I never realized what treasures I really had. I took them for granted and disrespected them. Time and again I threw their help, their way of showing love back in their faces. I was a horrible person to them, a huge disappointment for them, and while I had them here, I never said I’m sorry or thank you, so I’m saying it now. I’m sorry Mom and Dad for messing up my life so badly and thank you for loving me in spite of it. Wherever you are now, I hope you know that I love you too.”

Lorelai let out a long breath, it wasn’t the eulogy she’d planned. It wasn’t a eulogy at all, instead it was a long confession of her many errors and mistakes. It was however what she needed to say, and more importantly, it was what Richard and Emily needed to hear.

Lorelai resumed her seat next to Luke and Rory. Rory reached over and squeezed her mother’s hand. Lorelai met her daughter’s red swollen eyes and gently smiled, her own eyes still dry. Luke held Lorelai’s other hand, moving it to his lap, his long callused fingers caressing her soft flesh, soothingly as the Revered resumed his sermon and droned on.

It had begun to drizzle slightly by the time the final prayer was said and the recessional hymn played. The procession moved towards the cemetery and Mr. Roth provided the mourners with regulation black umbrellas to keep them dry during the graveside service.

Once again, Rory, Lorelai, Jess, and Luke gathered in the front just beyond the two caskets and the numerous arrays of flowers. The Reverend read a final scripture and said a prayer before giving Richard and Emily a final blessing.

The rain picked up as Mr. Roth spoke up, “The family of Richard and Emily Gilmore request that anyone who wishes to join them in refreshments and a lite spread may do son at the Dragonfly Inn in Stars Hollow.”

With those final words it was done. The large group broke. Lorelai and Rory remained a few moments to receive final condolences from their friends as people returned to their cars. Eventually, Rory and Jess left to go back to the limo; the two huddled under a shared umbrella. Finally, Luke pushed Lorelai’s shoulder gently before he began to move toward the waiting car.

Lorelai didn’t register the movement. She hadn’t registered the many condolences of her friends or even Mr. Roth’s invitation to the Dragonfly. All that registered was the steady drip of the rain as the thought ran through her head that she was now an orphan.

Jess noticed first that Lorelai hadn’t joined them at the car. He pointed that out to Rory, who began to rush out to comfort her mother whom she could tell was finally breaking. Luke held out a hand to stop her, “Let me,” was all he said.

Quietly, while Rory, Jess, Chris and half of Stars Hollow looked on, Luke rejoined Lorelai at the graveside. Her umbrella had fallen away when she’d pressed trembling hands to her mouth to hold in the sobs, so Luke held his umbrella over her now sopping hair, “Lorelai, come on now. It’s raining, people are waiting...”

Lorelai took a deep breath, “I know. I’m sorry,” she hastily apologized, “We should go back.” She wiped her eyes an stooped to pick up her discared umbrella. Before she could accomplish the task, her knees gave out and she fell to the ground with a sob.

“Lorelai,” Luke whispered tugging lightly on the sleeve of her dress, “Are you all right?”

Lorelai didn’t answer right away, instead she sobbed, “Luke,” and covered her mouth again.

Luke never felt so helpless. He’d known this was coming and prayed to be part of it, to help her, to console her, but now it was upon him and he didn’t know what to do. He let his instinct take over.

Luke dropped the umbrella and joined Lorelai on the wet ground. By now, everyone who remained had stopped to witness Lorelai’s undoing. Luke curled his body around hers, strong arms holding her trembling body, “Lorelai, Sweetheart, you have to come away, Love. You have to come away.”

“No,” she shouted at him, “No! I can’t, I won’t just turn my back on them again,” she sobbed out fighting Luke’s hold on her as he tried to pull her into a standing position.

Rory watched along with Sookie and Jackson, Miss Patty and others as Luke wrestled with Lorelai to keep a hold on her, “Jess,” Rory began, “I have to go...she needs me...I have to...”

Jess wouldn’t loosen his hold on Rory whom he’d been holding back to let Luke work his magic, “Give Luke some time,” Jess told her, “He needs to help her as much as she needs his help.”

Rory sighed but obeyed Jess. She knew he was right, that Luke would be the best one to comfort her mother now.

“Lorelai,” Luke kept saying over and over trying to reach her, “Honey, come on now. Come to the car, where it’s dry and warm. You’re going to get sick, Sweetheart,” he tried to reason, but nothing he said penetrated the shell of Lorelai’s grief.

“I have no on left now,” she sobbed into the forearm that held her waist, “No one.”

“Lor, that’s not true,” Luke cooed into her sodden hair, “I’m here and Rory, and hey, I think it’ll be pretty hard to get rid of Jess now,” Luke tried to joke, to calm her down, at this point he’d do anything to calm her down even a little.

“You don’t understand,” Lorelai cried shaking her head, “You don’t understand. You don’t understand. You don’t understand,” she repeated it like a mantra, totally oblivious to the cold rain or Luke’s gentle touch.

“Make me understand, Lorelai,” he told her, “make me understand.” He said gently, rocking her cradling her, ignoring the soaking rain, “I love you, Lorelai. I want to help you, Baby. Please, help me understand.”

Lorelai normally would have batted him for calling her the dreaded “baby” but today, she had no reaction and the term seeming strangely appropriate with crying and trembling in his arms.

Lorelai let out a long low moan, “No. No, I can’t. You can’t,” she cried, coughing so hard Luke was afraid she’d get sick.

Luke tightened his hold, “All right,” he admitted, “Maybe I can’t understand, but I want to help you, Baby, please. Lorelai talk to me.” He nearly begged her as he forced her around in his arms so his now tear filled eyes could meet hers, so he could one some basic level reach her rational mind.

Lorelai fought him and refused to look in his face, “Lorelai!” he finally shouted so loud she started, her hysteria tapering off a bit when she finally met his ice blue gaze. “Lor,” he said gently, “I may not understand what you’re feeling, and nothing I can say will help ease your pain, I know that, but God above, I love you, Lorelai and I need for you to let me help you, Baby. It’ killing me, see you like this. It rips my heart out to see you like this. Talk to me, Lorelai, please.”

Luke’s words did nothing, they were lost on Lorelai’s grief clouded mind, but his tears did something, they reached Lorelai on a deeper level, an unspoken level that spoke from his heart to her own. Finally, Lorelai found words to express her feelings to Luke, if for no other reason that to deliver him from pain, “I’m nobody’s little girl anymore,” she choked out finally, “Just when I wanted to be, I can’t.”

Luke released his hold on Lorelai’s arms and pulled her against his chest, “I do know about that, Love,” he assured her, “I know very well about that.”

Luke let Lorelai cry a bit more before he used his strength to pull her to her feet. She was calmer now and easier to control, so she came up from the ground with a fight, yet she still trembled as she tried to walk.

Luke saw Lorelai’s steps falter as she trembled from both shock and cold. He removed his suit jacket and wrapped the material around her, then effortlessly scooped her up inot his arms, carrying her over the muddy ground to the limo.

Jess, bless him, had managed to convince the onlookers to leave so only Rory, Christopher, Sookie and Jackson remained with him. When he saw Luke approaching with his precious burden, he quickly opened the limo door.

“You see,” Jess whispered to Rory, “he fixed it.”

Lorelai was clinging to Luke’s neck, her arms holding so tightly it seemed she would never let go. And she didn’t. The whole trip to the Dragonfly, Lorelai huddled on Luke’s lap, having fallen into an uneasy sleep. She was cold, wet and shivering when they reached the Inn and Luke determined the repast should go on without Lorelai there.

“Rory, you and Jess go to in and see to the guests. I’m going to bring your Mom home, let her rest, she needs it,” Luke told Rory.

“Luke, Mom...” Rory began, “Do you think Mom’s going to be okay now?”

Luke saw her worry for Lorelai and shared it. He knew Lorelai was a long time in returning to a normal life. He’d lost his mother very young and grew close to his father. When William died he felt like an orphan, sometimes he still did, sometimes he still cried for his loss and it had been years. He did understand Lorelai’s pain, and as much as he wanted to heal it, he knew nothing could do that but time.

“I think she’ll be okay, Kiddo,” he assured her as she and Jess climbed out of the limp. Luke instructed Jess to go back to Hartford with Jackson when the repast ended to get the truck and drive it home, the limo would leave him and Lorelai at the Gilmore house.

Once there, Luke carried a still sleeping Lorelai back tot the bedroom and lay her on the bed. Quickly he stripped her of her wet clothing and tucked her into the bed. She stirred and burrowed into the covers, but did not wake.

Luke pressed a gently kiss on her forehead and moved to leave the room. Before doing so, he quietly whispered, “I love you, Lorelai. I’m going to get you through this. I promise you that.”

Luke let her sleep then and huddled downstairs to watch the game. He knew there lives had irrevocably changed. He knew his Lorelai would always carry these scars with her now, and he knew they would both have to work hard to clear the knew obstacles in their lives. He also knew that they were strong together, that they loved each other, and that because of that they were equal to the task.