[karana]

Chapter 21: Help out




The first stop for the three of them back at Stars Hollow was Sookie's house to pick up Laila.
"Hey, you're back" Sookie greeted them and hugged Lorelai. Lorelai returned the hug shortly, but when she felt that her emotions were going to overwhelm her once again she pulled back, trying to keep everything in.
"Where is Laila?" Lorelai asked and by the look on Sookie's face she knew that her friend knew that she was seconds away from crying once again.
"She is asleep in the living-room. She cried the whole night and fell asleep just an hour ago on the couch. I didn't want to risk waking her, so I let her sleep there." Sookie explained while she walked behind Lorelai into the living-room.
Lorelai picked up Laila carefully a kissed the girl's forehead, while Laila snuggled up to her mother, but stayed asleep.
"How are Sara and Luke?" Sookie whispered and picked up Laila's stuff and handed it to William and Kirsten.
"Sara is okay, they operated her leg and she is still in shock, but she will be alright. Luke on the other hand... the put him into artificial coma for now, because his injuries are so serious." Lorelai whispered back without any emotions in her voice.
"I think we should get you home" Kirsten jumped in and shared a concerned look with Sookie.
"Bye Sookie and Thank you" Lorelai whispered before she walked out.
"Anytime. Call me when you need something"
"I will. And we have to talk because of the Inn"
"Don't worry about it. Everything is covered. You go and care for your daughter and your husband" Sookie reassured her.
"Thanks" Lorelai said quietly and walked back to the car.


Lorelai didn't even think about putting Laila in her own bed, but placed her immediately in her and Luke's bed, before she changed and lay down beside her. She was exhausted but the knot in her stomach didn't let her fall asleep. She tossed and turned, but she couldn't sleep.


"Mommy?" she heard Williams voice after an hour and turned around once more to face him, while he was standing beside her side of the bed.
"Yeah?" she asked and opened her eyes.
"Move a bit" William said and Lorelai obliged. William climbed in the bed and over Lorelai, lay down beside Lorelai and Laila.
"I am the man now. Lay your head on my chest, mommy. Just like you do with daddy. As long as he's asleep I'm going to help out" he declared. As sad as it was, it made Lorelai smile.
"Will, my head is way to heavy for your little chest. You couldn't breathe anymore if I lay my head on your chest" she told him quietly.
"Mommy, I'm five, I'm not a baby anymore. Come on, lay your head here" he said and tapped on his chest. Lorelai kissed him first, then lay her head carefully on his little chest.
"You can put the full weight on me mommy. I am the man now" he assured her and started to stroke her hair, like Luke always did. Lorelai took a shaky breath, then closed her eyes and slowly drifted off to sleep.


She awoke hours later, it was already dark outside, because she felt someone leaning over her. She sat up abruptly.
"Geez, dad, don`t scare me like that!" she said when she saw who it was.
"I thought you are asleep" Richard said.
"I was" she groaned and got out of the bed, careful not to wake William or Laila, who were still asleep. Richard and Lorelai walked out of the bedroom and downstairs into the living-room where they sat down on the couch.
"So..." Lorelai said, not really knowing what there was to say in a situation like this.
"I talked with Sookie and she will arrange everything at the Inn. I also talked to Mr. Cesar at the diner and he will also cover it together with Lane. But there is something I need to talk with you about" Richard broke the silence.
"What?" Lorelai asked, panic in her voice.
"Lorelai we need to talk about your financial situation" Richard said.
"What? Dad, I don`t think this is the time"
"It might seem strange for you, but we need to talk bout it, Lorelai. I will arrange everything, but I need to know some details before I can do something." he said.
"Like...?"
"How much of Luke's and Sara's therapy are covered by your insurance? Can you afford it to pay the best therapies, because they need to get the best therapies. And then: Do you have enough money to live without Luke's income? Can you afford hiring more staff at the Inn and the Diner? "
"Dad stop it. I can't deal with that now"
"Lorelai this is important. If Luke has to stay in hospital for some time and then go through physic therapy you will need money and I want to know that you're covered. Does Luke have an insurance for a situation like this? Do you have any savings?"
"I think we can cover the costs for the additional staff in the diner and the Inn. I don`t know yet how much of the insurance will pay for Luke and Sara and I don't know if we get any money from this stupid idiot who nearly killed my daughter and my husband. Could you take care of that? Your agency made the insurances."
"Of course, I will go and check your policies."
"And we don't have any savings. I mean we're having savings but they are for the kids school and College later. Luke would kill me if I use them for anything beside that."
"That`s good. One more thing covered."
"So can we end this talk now?" she asked
"Lorelai, I know it is hard, but I have to ask you: Does Luke have a life insurance?"
"Luke won't die"
"Lorelai, please!"
"He won't die! He can't die! I need him here and not only because of the money he provides. I need him, the kids need him and he knows that. He wouldn't dare to die and leave me alone with this mess here! So forget about the fucking life insurance, because he won't die!" Lorelai yelled at Richard.
"You don't want to hear it and I wish I wouldn't have to talk with you about it, but he might be disabled or die and you have to think about all possibilities, even the worst case scenario, so that you can deal with it when it happens" Richard tried to reason with her.
"I could never deal with losing Luke, no matter how much life-insurance policies he has. If he dies, I don't want to live anymore either" she said very quietly.
"Don't talk like that, Lorelai!" Richard said shocked, stood up and sat beside her on the couch before he took her hands in his.
"If he dies it's my fault and if he doesn't get the chance to see his kids growing up, then I don't deserve it." she said without emotion, just staring blankly ahead.
"Lorelai, no matter what happens with Luke, the kids need you. And Luke wants you to be there for them."
"If I killed their father the would hate me at one point or the other. Maybe I would deserve it, but losing Luke would be unbearable, but when I would lose my kids as well I have no reason to live anymore. And Luke surely doesn't want me to look after them anymore. I did this to him and to Sara, I am not capable of looking after them, that's a proven fact now. If he wakes up I m sure the first thing he requests is divorce" she said in the same monotone voice.
"Stop this nonsense, Lorelai! This accident wasn't your fault and i really don't know where you got the idea from that it was. A trunken eighteen year old drove a truck and caused this. This is not your fault!" Richard said forcefully.
"I convinced him to come outside. He didn't want to. It's my fault!" Lorelai insisted.
"What would have happened if he was still inside? This drunken fool would have crashed into Sara and she would have been dead for sure. And this would have been your fault also? Or Luke's?" Richard shot back and Lorelai remained silent, focused on their joined hands.



After Richard had left Lorelai didn’t really know what to do with her time. The kids were still asleep and she had nothing to do, but couldn’t concentrate on anything on the other hand.
Several times she took the photos from the mantle and looked at them. She wished that only by looking at them she could go back to the exact situation and feel what she felt at that moment again, only to escape the hard reality.
There was one picture of William and Luke where they both lay in the bathtub. William was 2 and sitting on his father’s knees.


"Will , you must take the foam and rub it into daddy’s face" Lorelai giggled.
"Don’t listen to your crazy mother. Daddy is not Santa, he doesn’t need a beard." Luke said and glanced at Lorelai.
"-eerd daddy" William giggled, took some foam and shoved it into Luke’s face, missing his chin and stuffing it in his father’s mouth.
"William, this is disgusting!" Luke said and made a face, causing Lorelai to laugh.
"You’re so cute when you make a face like that" she laughed.
"Your fault!" Luke said accusingly and pointed at her.
"Yes, you faul, mommy!" William giggled.
"Oh, poor thing" she laughed, walked over to them, so that she stood beside the bathtub, leaned down and kissed Luke.
"Ew, you taste like foam" she said when she pulled back after not a whole second. Luke grinned, grabbed her with one arm around her waist and pulled her into he tub with them, fully clothed. When Lorelai came back up from under the water her face was covered with foam.
"See, William, now your mommy is playing Santa!" Luke laughed and William giggled with him.


Another picture showed her and Laila asleep on the couch, when the baby was barely half a year old. They were both covered with a blanket and Lorelai’s left arm hang off the couch, while her right one held the baby tight.


"God, I am so tired" groaned Lorelai while she tried to rock Sara to sleep. William was asleep in their bed, while Laila and Sara kept crying. All three kids had the flue and Lorelai wasn’t feeling well herself, but had send Luke to work nevertheless. Somehow she wanted to show him, that she could handle this alone. With Rory she had done everything alone. Luke had given up fighting with her and had gone to the diner three hours before and since then the kids kept crying. If not all of them then at least one.
So while William slept, the twins were awake and crying the whole time. She had problems nursing them, because of their stuffy noses and they were probably hungry.
"Shh, Sara sleep. Come on baby, mommy is tired as well and your sister needs me also" Lorelai sang and rocked the baby from side to side.
Half an hour later the situation hadn’t changed a lot. Now the twins were both furiously crying, Lorelai along with them, while she tried to get them to nurse at least a bit, which seemed impossible.
When Luke appeared in the doorway that second he was like a vision to Lorelai, but at the same time she felt ashamed.
"They won’t eat, they won’t sleep and they keep crying." Lorelai sobbed helplessly while she sat in the rocking-chair with her open blouse.
Luke just shook his head, pecked her on the forehead before he took both babies from her.
"Go and lie down, I take over" he said.
"But they must be hungry or thirsty and they are still running a fever and…"
"You’ re not looking so good yourself and you are no help when you are as upset as you are at the moment. Go and calm down, sleep a bit and don’t worry." Luke assured her.
"But Will is sleeping in our bed and I don’t want to wake him." She tried again and wiped the tears away with the back of her hand.
"Then lay down in the living-room" Luke whispered because the twins started to nod off.
"But…"
"Haven’t you learned a thing in the last three hours and four minutes? I am here Lorelai, you don’t have to do this alone. And you’re sick as well and not helping them a bit when you are so upset."
"You timed it?" was all she said.
"Of course, I did nothing else than sitting in the diner and debating with myself how long I should leave you alone with them. But since you are so stubborn I decided to do it the hard way. If I could I would have been here three hours ago" he told her with a little smile, which Lorelai returned. It felt so good that he was there now.
An hours later she heard steps on the stairs and turned her head to see Luke coming down with Sara.
"She’s being stubborn again?" Lorelai asked him.
"I wonder where she got that from" Luke grinned.
"Come to mommy baby" Lorelai cooed and took Sara from Luke before she lay back down.
"You’re feeling better?" he asked.
"My head is killing me and I am thirsty." She told him, while he caressed her cheek.
"Stay here I go and get you something to drink" he said and stood up.
"Hey Luke?" she said while she held him back on his hand, drew circle on the back of his hand with her thumb.
"Yeah?" he said with this low and sexy voice of his.
"Thank you"
"You don’t have to thank me, we’re in this together, remember?!". He kissed the back of her hand before he walked into the kitchen.
When he came back Lorelai and Sara were both asleep.


Lorelai whipped the tears away that slowly dropped from her eyes on her hand when she heard something behind her and turned around. William stood in front of her.
"Mommy?" he asked, his lip quivering, his eyes full of tears.
"What’s wrong, honey?"
"Is daddy going to die?" he asked, his fears showing for the first time, now that he was still sleepy and not in his protector-mode. Lorelai didn’t know what to tell at him at first and her first impulse was to tell him that everything would be good again.
"I don’t know, Will. I don’t know" she said then, hugging him to her and crying with him, and in the process the picture frame slipped from her hand and shattered without that she even realized it.



TBC