[Cedric]

[FONT=&quot]Three: I miss you, I’m not gonna crack[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]“Hey man! Get up, get up! You’re not planning to miss another class, are you?”
Levi’s voice was loud, nearly aggressive as he threw a pillow at his roommate. He didn’t care much about Lance, they never really got along very well but he started to grow worried about him. Since he was back he hadn’t been himself. Levi knew that his best friend had died but Lance would have to get over it, not wallow like he had done the last couple of weeks. He barely had been to classes, he wasn’t speaking to him or to anyone for that matter.
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[FONT=&quot] Lance turned around, got up and slowly went to the bathroom. He couldn’t understand why Levi was shouting at him or why he was so frantic to get him to school. It was none of his business if he wouldn’t make the year. What did it matter anyway? Nothing really mattered now. Life didn’t really matter now. Knox was dead and nothing else mattered.
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[FONT=&quot] He dragged himself to class that day, barely listening to the monotonous drawl of the professor’s views of the Spanish Inquisition. He actually was nearly asleep as the professor finally ended his speech, therefore Lance was shocked as a blonde girl suddenly approached him, asking if he had taken any notes. As he said no, the curious smile on her face didn’t vanish.
“Well,” she said, “I wasn’t really asking about the Spanish actually… I’ve been watching you, I was surprised you didn’t snore.”
Again, she smiled, kind of awkward now. Finally, Lance snapped out of his trance-like state, and tried to reply her smile.
“Yeah, I shouldn’t have taken so many sleeping-drugs last night.”
She laughed, “Well, anyways…” she trailed of, “I’m Brenda and I wondered if we could maybe go out sometime… for drinks or something.”[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] For the first time now, Lance really looked at her. She had long blonde hair, sky blue eyes, was a little shorter than himself, slender but clearly not a sports person. In short, she wasn’t really his type, but what the hell…
He shook her hand,
“Well, I’m Lance, and yeah, why not? D’you know some place where we are able to actually drink?”
Brenda just grinned, “Yeah, I do.”[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] They made arrangements to meet that night. Back at the dorm, Lance, like so many times in the last few weeks, picked up his guitar and played some songs, forlorn. He didn’t really want to go out with that Brenda girl but drinks sounded cool and a few minutes without thinking would probably do him some good. As he was about to leave at around 9 o’clock, his best jeans and shirt on, his black hair even styled with gel for the first time in weeks, Levi hold him back.
“Where do you think you’re going,” he said in a jokingly serious manner that reminded Lance of his mother. “It is a school night.”
Lance let out a laugh, but stopped himself, realizing that it would have been the first laugh since… since… he didn’t finish his thought and changed his laughter into a loud cough and answered:
“Yeah, well, Daddy, the little boy has a date tonight.”
“Oh yeah? With whom? That blonde chick that talked to you after History?”
“Yes, you’re right. That’s her.”
“Well, have fun, then… and try to get wasted,” Levi said with a weird kind of a knowing smile on his face.
Lance asked himself whether Levi knew something he didn’t, but didn’t push the subject any further as he was running a little late.
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[FONT=&quot] Fifteen minutes later, he was standing in front of a club he never had seen before, waiting for the girl. He was listening to Nirvana on his iPod. The Nevermind LP had gained in appeal for him in the last couple of weeks. Sometimes it seemed to him that Kurt Cobain and Dave Grohl had known that his best friend would die fifteen years later and had composed that long player just for him. With any time he listened to the album, he found a new song, a new chorus, a new line that he could relate to. In fact he was just quietly sing along to the chorus of Lithium,
“I like it, I’m not gonna crack. I miss you, I’m not gonna crack, I love you, I’m not gonna crack, I killed you, I’m not gonna crack,”
as he felt a tip on his shoulder. He turned around and he saw his date with a vague smile on her face.
“Hey,” she said.
“Hey.”[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] Awkward pause. He had to say something, he knew that but couldn’t think of one thing to say. It probably had been a bad idea to go out with her. He wasn’t ready, yet. Not that he would ever be ready. He always had been clumsy around girls, but to his astonishment he had had a couple of girlfriends before and Knox had always tried to make him see, that he was a ladies guy. Middle long black hair, hazel eyes, an athlete. But now… he still hadn’t said anything. Finally, the girl, whose name he suddenly couldn’t even remember took initiative.
“What were you singing before I came here? Was that Green Day?”
Inevitably, Lance took a deep breath. He would never understand how anyone could confuse Green Day with Nirvana or could even like Green Day. But he kept those thoughts with him, instead he answered,
“No, that was Nirvana. The song’s called Lithium.”
“Huh,” she simply said, clearly not interested.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] Again, an awkward pause.
Finally, they started to walk into the bar, ordered their drinks – a mojito for her, a long island ice tea for him – and they chatted about nonsense things. Lance still didn’t remember her name but he knew that it wasn’t important anyway. He could feel that they would never meet up again. The talk was too slow, too awkward and he knew that it was all his fault. He wasn’t really saying anything. And she just talked and talked and talked… literally a mile a minute and he couldn’t really stop her anyway, so he just kept on drinking his first cocktail and another one and another one. He soon lost count on the drinks and he soon lost any interest, if there ever was one, to what the girl was saying.
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[FONT=&quot]He was deep in thoughts again by the time Brenda, he suddenly remembered, stood up and said to him:
“You know what? Why are you here with me anyway? You haven’t even listened to a word I said, did you?”
“Er…” Lance started, but was interrupted.
“Don’t bother. I’m out of here. I hope you have fun with your alcohol in bed tonight.”
With those words, she left him sitting there.[/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]First, Lance thought about running after her, but in the end he decided it didn’t matter. He paid for the drinks and slowly went back to his dorm. He was slightly tipsy, he had to admit but he was feeling better. He would go out with Levi and the guys more often now. Drinking and clubbing actually sounded like a good diversion from anything else.[/FONT]