14.07.2010, 08:26
Okay, hier kommt nochmal ein neues Chapter...
Danke an Mela
Danke an Mela
Chapter Three: Round three and already tapped
Nervously, Lorelai entered the little coffee shop across the street of her business college. She hadn't been able to concentrate on her classes today at all. On the one hand, she was dreading the meeting with Max because she still didn't know what to say to him but on the other hand, she couldn't wait to see him again, listen to his side of the story. She realized that he hadn't exactly kissed her back but at the same time, he had been the one who had reached out to her.
She looked around and saw him sitting at the counter, just like on their first date and the first time they had broken up. She approached him and sat down beside him. There were a few moments of silence. They just sat there, looking at each over, pondering what to say.
Finally, Max broke the silence.
"Hi⦠how are you doing?"
"I'm⦠fine, thanks."
More seconds passed in awkward silence, Lorelai knew it was her turn to say something, but she was still thinking about the right words to say. Again, Max was the one to speak first.
"Lorelai, I⦠thank you for coming. I wasn't really sure if I wanted to see you, actually. I've worked very hard to forget about you, you know. No offense. And then you come here, barely uttering a word and then⦠what happened, Lorelai?"
"Honestly? I don't know. Really, I don't know what has gotten into me. I⦠I apologize. Sincerely."
"So⦠it was just an accident? You didn't want to do that?"
Lorelai looked at Max more closely now. He was looking tired. Or was it sadness? She wouldn't know. Last time she had broken up with him, they hadn't seen eye to eye⦠But now she looked into his green eyes, trying to read something â anything â out of them.
"No, Max. I⦠I⦠don't know, okay? I was just so surprised to see you, looking so⦠so good and as you first saw me, I could see how much you despised me, or how much I've hurt you. I wanted to say something to apologize. But then I realized nothing I'd say would ever undo what I've put you through. And then it just came over me⦠Iâ¦"
"So you just kissed me because you felt sorry for me?"
"No, Max⦠Iâ¦" Lorelai started but Max cut her off.
"Then what, Lorelai? You realized one kiss wouldn't hurt? That you couldn't do any more damage? Or⦠That you still have feelings for me?"
Lorelai didn't answer immediately, but at those last words, she had bowed her head. She just couldn't look him into his eyes any longer.
"Wow, round three and already tapped," she finally whispered.
First, it looked like Max didn't get the reference to their first date but then a soft smile appeared on his face. Encouraged by this, Lorelai continued.
"I didn't kiss you because I felt sorry for you, I promise. But I can't really tell you why⦠I⦠I mulled it over and over this week and still can't figure it out."
Silence.
Max sat there surprised. He had expected many things except for that. He had expected that Lorelai would have an excuse ready, but hearing her stuttering, he actually believed her. Believed that she didn't know. There had never been a time when Lorelai didn't know what she wanted. But now she was sitting there, looking slightly depressed and really tired. Max felt the sudden urge to give her hug but he resisted. Now that would be a false signal. Instead he just sat there waiting for Lorelai to continue and finally, after what were a few dragging moments, Lorelai spoke again.
"You know⦠what would it change if I still had feelings for you, Max? If I were you, I wouldn't talk to me or even look at me. I've been such a horrible person to you, leaving you like that. And I never explained⦠I⦠I just never told you why I couldn't marry you, why I ran away. You have to know⦠I've always been a good runner. In fact, all I did, my whole life, was running away. First from Rory's father, then my parents, then from you. In fact, there is only one person I'd never run away from and that is Rory and she is the one person I'd never lie to. And here's the problem. I've been lying to her all week about you. First I didn't tell her, I've seen you, kissed you. And when she wanted to know why you wanted to talk to me and yet again, I lied. If I can't even tell her that I've seen you, what more won't I be able to tell her? I know I'm off the point because you clearly don't have any feelings for me left and Iâ¦"
"Lorelai, stop right there. Do you really think I hate you? Do you really think I'd said to Rory that I'd like to see you, if I hated you, if I really didn't want to meet you?"
"Well⦠don't you? Don't you hate me?" Lorelai's voice was not more than a whisper now.
"Honestly? You have no idea how much I wanted to hate you. All this year I tried to hate you or forget about you. But you know, once you love a person enough to want to get married, it isn't so easy to forget. And all this year I tried to figure out why it didn't work. Why you left me the way you did. And you know what? I couldn't think of any reason but one. You didn't love me. But why then, would you have said "yes" to me back then? And why for heaven's sake did you come to Chilton last week and decide to kiss me? And I came here today to get to know your reasons, just to put an end to our story."
"Put an end toâ¦," Lorelai whispered almost inaudible, then she cough slightly, obviously trying to regain her composure, and continued louder, but still in a whisper.
"Max⦠as I said before, I didn't actually plan to kiss you and I really didn't plan to leave you a week before our wedding. I was just very confused. Maybe I wasn't ready to get married. It all happened so fast. I'm well aware that it had to happen very fast because of the whole Chilton-thing but maybe it simply was too fast. Or maybe I've been lying to myself, maybe talked myself into loving you. I've had various reasons, Max, why I didn't marry you a year ago but looking at them now they all seem to be sleazy. But I've made that decision back then and I've always thought it was the right one. But as I was sitting there last week, without a chance to get away, listening to your passion for an hour, I couldn't stop myself from thinking what if. I'm sorry."
Max sat there, staring at her. Since her message on the answering-machine a couple of days ago, he had made up his mind. He wanted to know the reason why she had left and then kissed him. And that was all. He didn't want to get back together or even thinking of getting back together. But Lorelai's honesty made him insecure now. He knew that he shouldn't think about forgiving her because he would step on dangerous territory then. He knew that he would have a hard time resisting her. But as he saw her looking all downhearted and sorry, he felt his determination fade away. But he had sworn to himself that he wouldn't get soft with herâ¦
"Okay then, is that all?" he finally said as cold as he could manage.
"Yeah, I guess," Lorelai replied, finally looking at him again.
She hadn't expected this meeting to end like this. She thought they would meet to make up, she came here for forgiveness and maybe, but only maybe to clear up their feelings. She had done so, but he hadn't. And by now it seemed that all he wanted was to get away from her. But Lorelai wouldn't let him have that last triumph. So she stood up, reached out her hand, which Max took slightly surprised, said goodbye and hurried out of the coffee shop, feeling the first tear running down her cheek as she stepped into the streets.
Nervously, Lorelai entered the little coffee shop across the street of her business college. She hadn't been able to concentrate on her classes today at all. On the one hand, she was dreading the meeting with Max because she still didn't know what to say to him but on the other hand, she couldn't wait to see him again, listen to his side of the story. She realized that he hadn't exactly kissed her back but at the same time, he had been the one who had reached out to her.
She looked around and saw him sitting at the counter, just like on their first date and the first time they had broken up. She approached him and sat down beside him. There were a few moments of silence. They just sat there, looking at each over, pondering what to say.
Finally, Max broke the silence.
"Hi⦠how are you doing?"
"I'm⦠fine, thanks."
More seconds passed in awkward silence, Lorelai knew it was her turn to say something, but she was still thinking about the right words to say. Again, Max was the one to speak first.
"Lorelai, I⦠thank you for coming. I wasn't really sure if I wanted to see you, actually. I've worked very hard to forget about you, you know. No offense. And then you come here, barely uttering a word and then⦠what happened, Lorelai?"
"Honestly? I don't know. Really, I don't know what has gotten into me. I⦠I apologize. Sincerely."
"So⦠it was just an accident? You didn't want to do that?"
Lorelai looked at Max more closely now. He was looking tired. Or was it sadness? She wouldn't know. Last time she had broken up with him, they hadn't seen eye to eye⦠But now she looked into his green eyes, trying to read something â anything â out of them.
"No, Max. I⦠I⦠don't know, okay? I was just so surprised to see you, looking so⦠so good and as you first saw me, I could see how much you despised me, or how much I've hurt you. I wanted to say something to apologize. But then I realized nothing I'd say would ever undo what I've put you through. And then it just came over me⦠Iâ¦"
"So you just kissed me because you felt sorry for me?"
"No, Max⦠Iâ¦" Lorelai started but Max cut her off.
"Then what, Lorelai? You realized one kiss wouldn't hurt? That you couldn't do any more damage? Or⦠That you still have feelings for me?"
Lorelai didn't answer immediately, but at those last words, she had bowed her head. She just couldn't look him into his eyes any longer.
"Wow, round three and already tapped," she finally whispered.
First, it looked like Max didn't get the reference to their first date but then a soft smile appeared on his face. Encouraged by this, Lorelai continued.
"I didn't kiss you because I felt sorry for you, I promise. But I can't really tell you why⦠I⦠I mulled it over and over this week and still can't figure it out."
Silence.
Max sat there surprised. He had expected many things except for that. He had expected that Lorelai would have an excuse ready, but hearing her stuttering, he actually believed her. Believed that she didn't know. There had never been a time when Lorelai didn't know what she wanted. But now she was sitting there, looking slightly depressed and really tired. Max felt the sudden urge to give her hug but he resisted. Now that would be a false signal. Instead he just sat there waiting for Lorelai to continue and finally, after what were a few dragging moments, Lorelai spoke again.
"You know⦠what would it change if I still had feelings for you, Max? If I were you, I wouldn't talk to me or even look at me. I've been such a horrible person to you, leaving you like that. And I never explained⦠I⦠I just never told you why I couldn't marry you, why I ran away. You have to know⦠I've always been a good runner. In fact, all I did, my whole life, was running away. First from Rory's father, then my parents, then from you. In fact, there is only one person I'd never run away from and that is Rory and she is the one person I'd never lie to. And here's the problem. I've been lying to her all week about you. First I didn't tell her, I've seen you, kissed you. And when she wanted to know why you wanted to talk to me and yet again, I lied. If I can't even tell her that I've seen you, what more won't I be able to tell her? I know I'm off the point because you clearly don't have any feelings for me left and Iâ¦"
"Lorelai, stop right there. Do you really think I hate you? Do you really think I'd said to Rory that I'd like to see you, if I hated you, if I really didn't want to meet you?"
"Well⦠don't you? Don't you hate me?" Lorelai's voice was not more than a whisper now.
"Honestly? You have no idea how much I wanted to hate you. All this year I tried to hate you or forget about you. But you know, once you love a person enough to want to get married, it isn't so easy to forget. And all this year I tried to figure out why it didn't work. Why you left me the way you did. And you know what? I couldn't think of any reason but one. You didn't love me. But why then, would you have said "yes" to me back then? And why for heaven's sake did you come to Chilton last week and decide to kiss me? And I came here today to get to know your reasons, just to put an end to our story."
"Put an end toâ¦," Lorelai whispered almost inaudible, then she cough slightly, obviously trying to regain her composure, and continued louder, but still in a whisper.
"Max⦠as I said before, I didn't actually plan to kiss you and I really didn't plan to leave you a week before our wedding. I was just very confused. Maybe I wasn't ready to get married. It all happened so fast. I'm well aware that it had to happen very fast because of the whole Chilton-thing but maybe it simply was too fast. Or maybe I've been lying to myself, maybe talked myself into loving you. I've had various reasons, Max, why I didn't marry you a year ago but looking at them now they all seem to be sleazy. But I've made that decision back then and I've always thought it was the right one. But as I was sitting there last week, without a chance to get away, listening to your passion for an hour, I couldn't stop myself from thinking what if. I'm sorry."
Max sat there, staring at her. Since her message on the answering-machine a couple of days ago, he had made up his mind. He wanted to know the reason why she had left and then kissed him. And that was all. He didn't want to get back together or even thinking of getting back together. But Lorelai's honesty made him insecure now. He knew that he shouldn't think about forgiving her because he would step on dangerous territory then. He knew that he would have a hard time resisting her. But as he saw her looking all downhearted and sorry, he felt his determination fade away. But he had sworn to himself that he wouldn't get soft with herâ¦
"Okay then, is that all?" he finally said as cold as he could manage.
"Yeah, I guess," Lorelai replied, finally looking at him again.
She hadn't expected this meeting to end like this. She thought they would meet to make up, she came here for forgiveness and maybe, but only maybe to clear up their feelings. She had done so, but he hadn't. And by now it seemed that all he wanted was to get away from her. But Lorelai wouldn't let him have that last triumph. So she stood up, reached out her hand, which Max took slightly surprised, said goodbye and hurried out of the coffee shop, feeling the first tear running down her cheek as she stepped into the streets.
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]