04.08.2006, 22:15
Chapter 19: Her rock
âLorelai, Lorelai, wake up.â Emily said two hours later, nudging Lorelai's shoulder, trying to wake her up.
âMmh.â was the only sound Lorelai made.
âLorelai, Sara is back from the operation.â Emily said.
âSara? Operation?â her daughter asked, still half asleep.
âOh my god, Luke! Do you know something about him? Is he alive?â She asked and jumped up. Emily shot Richard a questioning look which clearly said âShould we tell her.â
âHe is in the operating room, that´s all we know.â Richard answered and placed a hand on his daughterâs shoulder.
âCome on, let´s go and see Sara.â Emily said, stood up, and stretched.
âBut Luke.â Lorelai whispered, although she allowed Richard to pull her up.
âJohn will call me when there is anything new.â He assured her and led her to the room the nurse had told them Sara would be in.
Lorelai took a deep breath before she followed her parents into the hospital room. She knew that she had to be strong for her daughter who needed her, but be she felt like she couldn't be, not without Luke. If only Sara had been in the accident, it would be hard enough, but at least Luke would have been there. But now without him by her side, without her rock, she wasn´t sure how to make it through the situation. He couldn´t die, he just had to be alright, because without him she couldn´t live.
âHey baby.â Lorelai whispered when she stood beside Sara's bed. She was still asleep, but was starting to wake up. Lorelai sat down on the bed, beside her daughter and stroked over her face. She was pale, had several bruises, and band-aids on her face, some with stitches underneath. Sara whimpered and slowly opened her eyes. When they were fully open, her eyes couldn´t seem to focus on anything, she kept glancing around quickly, without moving her head. Then tears sprang to her eyes and rolled down over her cheeks, but she didn´t make a sound.
âBaby are you hurting? What is hurting you, honey?â Lorelai asked concerned and placed a hand on her cheek, forcing Sara to look at her. But Sara remained silent.
âIt´s okay, mommy is here. Don´t worry you´ll feel better very soon, I promise.â Lorelai tried to soothe her, but Sara didn´t react.
Richard and Emily, who stood on the other side of the bed, shared a worried look.
âLook at that huge cast you have on your leg. You will be the star at pre-school and everyone can write or paint something on it. We even can put some stickers and fake tattoos on it, cool huh?â Lorelai tried again, but Sara´s look drifted up to the ceiling over her and stayed there.
She closed her eyes and fell asleep again twenty minutes later, while Lorelai played with her curls, caressed her face, and placed random kisses on her cheeks and forehead, always careful not to hurt her.
âIs she asleep again?â The doctor asked when he entered the room another fifteen minutes later, which had passed in complete silence.
âYes she is, but doctor something is wrong with her. She couldn´t seem to focus on anything and kept glancing around the room without saying a single word. You´re sure you have everything covered and there isn´t something wrong with her brain?â Emily asked worried while Lorelai didn´t look up until the doctor finished his answer.
âIt could be the concussion, but let´s not forget that she was just in a horrible accident and not only did she get hurt, which would be traumatic enough, but also her father got hurt and she saw it.â Lorelai pressed her hand to her mouth, while her eyes filled with tears at the mention of Luke. She had managed to ban all thoughts of him while she was with Sara, but now it hit her full force again.
âWhich means?â Richard asked.
âI think she´s in shock and it will probably take a few days before she will get better. But it´s a normal reaction to such an accident and I wouldn´t worry so much. The operation went very well and we fixed her leg and took care of her wounds. Because of her ribs and her concussion she should stay in bed and move as little as possible. We will give her something against the pain when she´s awake again, because sleep is the best thing now and I don´t want to wake her up. Mrs. Danes if you want we can bring in another bed so that you can spend the nightâ He asked.
âYeah, okay, but... I don´t know. I have two kids at home and I don´t know how they are and I´m sure they need me as well. And Rory is probably also freaked out and needs me and can´t look after her siblings. And then the Inn, I need someone to cover for me and I need to make a new plan. And, oh my god, the diner! Someone needs to close the diner and open it in the morning. And they also need a new plan, but I have no idea how to do it. Maybe Lane knows, or Cesar, I need to call them. I... I can´t stay, I have so much to do. I don´t... I don´t know where to start. I can´t do this! I can´t do this alone. I need Luke!â Lorelai rambled and then started to sob, her voice broke.
Emily rounded the bed with big steps and took Lorelai in her arms again, this gesture helped Lorelai to compose herself.
âDoctor bring the bed, I am sure we will need it.â Richard said and the doctor nodded and left the room.
âLorelai, I will go to Stars Hollow and look after William and Laila and I will arrange something with Rory. We will take care of them, don´t worry. I will also inform Sookie and she will arrange everything at the Inn and don´t worry about the diner. I will get it covered and if I have to serve the customers myself I will. You will stay here and look after your daughter. Emily, I will give you my cell phone so that you will know when John calls. And try to get some sleep you two!â He said, and handed Emily his cell phone before he left.
âLorelai, do you want some coffee?â Emily asked and pulled away from her crying daughter. Lorelai shook her head.
âSomething to eat?â Lorelai shook her head again and tried to stop the tears from falling from her eyes.
âMaybe you want some...â Emily started, but Lorelai stopped her.
âMom, the only thing I want is to wake up from this nightmare and find me in my bed with my husband sleeping beside me and my kids in their beds, all as healthy as they were this morning.â She said in a low and trembling voice.
âEverything will be fine.â Emily said, because she didn´t know what else to say.
âI can´t lose him, mom.â Lorelai sniffed.
âI´m going to get some coffee. I will bring you one.â Emily said and left the room. She took a shaking breath, but couldn't stop the tears. She leaned against the door to Sara's room.
âGod, why her? Why did you have to do it to her? Doesn´t she have the right to be happy? She was unhappy for most of her life and you have no right to take the one person from her she needs beside her children. You have no right to let Luke die!â Emily argued with fate and God himself, before she was able to compose herself and walked off to get some coffee.
When Emily was gone Lorelai paced through the small room and tried to distract herself from the horrible thoughts which had entered her mind; thoughts of a life alone, without Luke. Pictures of his funeral, what she would do with the diner...
When Richardâs cell phone rang, which Emily had left in the room, Lorelai didn´t know what to do. She was anxious to know what was wrong with Luke, but scared at the same time.
When Sara started fidgeting in her sleep Lorelai knew she had to answer the phone, otherwise the ringing would wake her daughter up.
âLorelai Danes.â She answered.
âLorelai, hello this is John.â She heard from the other side and took in a sharp breath.
âAre you still there?â He asked when he didn´t get an answer.
âHow is he?â She pressed out and closed her eyes, scared of the answer.
âThere were some complications during the first part of the operation, because his heart stopped again. But they got him back and he is doing fine now, but they are still operating on him.â
âWhat ... will he... how bad is it?â She asked.
âRichard didn´t tell you?â
âHe only told me that they are operating him, that´s all I know. Nobody is telling me anything!â She yelled the last part and Sara stirred. Lorelai walked over to her daughter and stroked over her hair to calm her.
âHe has some very serious injuries Lorelai. He has a collapsed lung because of a broken rib which went through the right part of his lung. His kidneys and his liver are damaged. He has severe internal bleeding because of all of this. His right hip is broken on top. He has a dislocated shoulder, a broken wrist, and several smaller things like bruises, cuts, and scratches. They are operating him still and succeeded to stop the internal bleeding, at least by taking out a part of his liver, for example.â
âWhat does that mean?â Lorelai barely whispered.
âHis lung will heal with time, as will the broken bones he has. For the kidneys we just have to wait and hope that they will recover, otherwise he will need a transplant. But there is another thing.â He said and waited, but didn´t get an answer.
âHe has some injuries on his head and we can´t tell at the moment if his brain is damaged. The first test was okay, no bleeding, but we wonât be able to tell until he wakes up, not sooner.â
Lorelai felt numb. She pressed the cell phone to her ear and waited for him to go on. When he didn´t she needed some seconds to take everything in before she could talk again.
âSo that means that even if he survives this, he will not fully recover?â She asked.
âWe don´t know. It is possible that he will wake up later and everything will be fine. But I won´t lie to you, Lorelai, it is possible that your husband will be disabled without any chance of recovering.â
âHow high is the chance that he will be fine and not disabled or dead?â
âAround five percent, from what we know now. A bit higher if he survives the operation and the first night.â
The word âdisabledâ repeated itself in her head and she started to feel dizzy. The cell phone fell out of her hand and, luckily, landed on the bed. Lorelai didn´t even realize that it was no longer in her hand and just stared ahead, while the word was getting louder and louder. She gripped the edge of the bed to keep herself from crumbling to the floor.
âLorelai? Lorelai!â Emily yelled when she entered the room and found her daughter staring blankly ahead, without reacting to Emily´s rant about that coffee-maker. Lorelai was as white as a sheet and her whole body shook, her teeth clattering. Emily led her daughter to a chair and pushed her down on it.
âYou knew it.â was the first thing Lorelai said after another five minutes.
âWhat?â Emily asked surprised, both, by the question and by her daughter speaking and breaking the silence.
âYou knew it and didn´t tell me. You promised to tell me when there would be any news. You lied, you lied to me and kept me in the dark about the fact that my husband has internal bleeding and nearly all of his bones are broken. You didn´t tell me that he probably won´t make it or could be disabled. Five percent mom! Five percent! That is how high his chances are to fully recover! And you knew it and didn´t tell me!â Lorelai yelled and furiously wiped away the tears which spilled.
âWe didn´t want to worry you more than you already were. Please, Lorelai, we would have told you when the time was right.â Emily defended herself, but in a gentle tone.
âWhen the time was right? At his funeral or what?â Lorelai screamed.
âLorelai, this is not the right place or the right time to argue. You will wake up Sara.â Emily said a bit louder.
âI need to get out of here.â was the only thing Lorelai said before she hurried out of the room.
She ran out of the hospital and wandered through the park. It was already dawn and the sun was rising. She sat down on a bench and cried. She was shaking, sobbing, bawling, cursing and begging, but she didn´t feel any better. She got a headache out of it, but nothing else. She wasn´t a religious person, but at six o´clock in the morning, after she had calmed down a bit, she started to pray. She prayed for her daughter, for her husband, her kids all together and for her whole family. She prayed that she would still have one when this would be all over.
âDo you mind if I sit?â a voice startled her and she turned around to find Kirsten behind her. Lorelai shook her head.
âWhen this... accident happened then I also sat in the park of the hospital for hours. It was too crowded in there and I felt like I couldn´t breathe.â Kirsten said and handed Lorelai a cup of coffee and a bag with a croissant.
âYou need it. Sara and Luke need you, you can´t get sick. Eat something.â
âI feel sick.â Lorelai said and cleared her voice.
âI know.â Kirsten, took the croissant out of the bag and handed it to Lorelai.
âHe probably won´t make it. Maybe he died already while I have been sitting here.â
âHe won´t die.â
âYour husband died.â
âLuke won´t die. He is the most stubborn person I know and he knows that you and the kids need him. He will make it. Just wait.â Lorelai nodded.
âWhy are you here?â She asked Kirsten then.
âYour father called me and told me what happened. I jumped out of bed and thought you might need someone besides family. Someone from outside.â Kirsten shrugged.
âSorry my dad woke you up.â
âIt´s okay.â
âThank you.â
âYou're welcome. Ready to go back inside?â Kirsten asked. Lorelai only nodded and stood up and together they walked back into the hospital.
TBC