[Caroe]

Titel: Pain
Autor: Carö
Genre: Traummäßige Liebeserklärung (keine Ahnung)
Pairing: keins
Raiting: G-6 vermutlich
Credits: Die ersten zwei Zeilen sind aus "My Immortal" von Evanescence.
Disclaimer: Mir gehört weder die Serie noch die Charaktere usw. nicht.

Ok, hier ist mein erster Versuch etwas zu/über Navy CIS zu schreiben. Meine Lieblingsrolle ist Abby (mit und ohne Gibbs) und das hier ist etwas aus ihrer Sicht geschriebenes.
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Pain

These wounds won’t seem to heal
This pain is just too real

I’m feeling again, finally. Even if it’s just pain, it’s a feeling. It’s pricking into my skin many times a minute.

Once more I was wearing black but it was different this time although it is my favourite colour and I wear it nearly every day.
Tim was holding me tight. Tony, Ziva, who finally belonged to us, which we owe you, and Ducky were there too. They were watching me and supporting me although they felt the same way.

Right now it hurts like hell but I love this pain. Several times I’ve felt it until now and I loved it every time. I definitly will feel it again until I die.
I take a closer look and I already see something. It’s getting a shape.

We were standing together, watching the people around.
Tears fell down my cheek. Tim handed me his handkerchief and still held me up because I wasn’t able to stand up on my own.
Ziva showed emotions, that’s unusual but she was sad too. Who wouldn’t be?
I lost my role model, the most important person in my life who had given me safety and love and had kept me grounded. Although we had never talked about it he knew what he meant to me.

Two eyes are appearing. I love these eyes, the way they looked at me when I hadn’t spilled the beans immediately. The pain is still there. I’ll remember this specific pain forever and will recognize it every time I look at that pair of eyes.

Some of the attendees said something to you, wherever you are, or about you, the director, Fornell, Ducky and Tony as well as lots of people I didn’t know. I wanted to tell you something too. I wanted to tell you how much I miss you being around, your ultimatums, you reading my mind, you getting me my daily caffeine dose and you being around at all. Actually I just wanted to tell you that I miss you.

I have never seen your face this way. You will look like you have looked live. I love this picture of you. It’s the picture I’ve got in mind although it’s not complete yet. At the moment that guy is working on your nose, a familiar nose.

The last words were said and one by one we went over and put a hand full of earth on the coffin. Everything comes to an end, even your life.
Tim walked with me to your coffin. I couldn’t do it by myself. He supported me like you had done several times before.

The mouth gets visible. You have grinned at me with it more than once. Every time I surprised you one by one with new discoveries you gave that grin to me.

The coffin was going down into the ground. The attendees left. Only we, your team, still stood at the grave. None of us could understand that it was the end, the end of you being our boss, the end of NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs.
We left the graveyard together. Tim was still supporting me. Ziva linked arms with Tony another unusual behaviour for her but your death had hit her hard too.
We were getting into the cars and left you there all by yourself.

It’s done. The pricking pain is over but the other pain, the pain in my heart, will stay. You watch me from my leg. It’s a memorial tattoo. I definitely will never forget you.
I loved you. Actually I still love you like I did when I started to work at NCIS. Over the years you had become some kind of a father to me.
You’ll take care of me, I know that for sure, even when you are dead.
But now you’re together again with your family. That’s what you wanted for a long time. Now it’s done and you will finally meet them again.