[Cedric]

Hi!

Also erstmal sorry, dass es solange gedauert hat, aber es war wirklich stressig in letzter Zeit.
Hier kommt ein neuer Teil aber vorher noch re-FBs:

@ Anne: Danke! Dein FB hat mich sehr gefreut!
@ Anna: Danke auch dir! Und danke fuer deine Komplimente, ich hoffe du hast das Interesse an der FF noch nicht verloren!
@ Aki: Danke fuer dein gedankenvolles FB, und du musst ja auch nicht auf Englisch schreiben und nochmal sorry, dass es solange gedauert hat.


Alright,

[FONT=&quot]PART 3[/FONT]


Adjustment. Assimilation. The process of an adaption to predefined circumstances. It is supposed to be hard but always successful. Many people have done it before. So, why then, can’t I be the winner in this?


Spring slowly is arriving. The first flowers begin to blossom. The world around me is losing its gray color and awakes to a new life. But there’s one thing I don’t understand. How come the seasons keep changing since you disappeared? Doesn’t anybody realize that an important thing is missing? That my life went missing in the previous winter? That I am still living in the past?

I’m standing on the porch of our house. Looking around with one hand on my heart. I can feel it beating. But there’s this hole inside of it. It’s more than a hole. I think my whole heart has been ripped off of my body and it just keeps on beating because of some kind of a miracle.

Once again, I’m sitting down on the old garden swing, hardly breathing. I close my eyes, reliving moments with you. The proposal comes to my mind. It all started out with one of the worst days of my life. My daughter had moved into my parents’ house. It had been the worst fight we ever had. I went home to tell you. I remember catching you at work. As I told you the news, you were furious, came up with some absurd ideas to get her back. But while you were ranting on about that, my emotions started to change. I’m hardly am able to describe it. First I was so angry and at the same time so sad that my relationship with my daughter had taken that kind of a turn. But then I looked at you, acting out of love towards my child and I realized how deeply I loved you. How I wanted you to be with me. How I wanted you to love me all my life. I looked up at you and just asked. I could see the expression on your face drop and then form a wide, but surprised smile. You said yes, you said yes to marry me. I know I’ve stolen your moment, but did it really matter at that moment? I don’t think so. I’ve just been happy and I could tell, you were, too.

I feel my hands trembling and force myself to stop thinking of you. I stand up, walk down the stairs and go for a walk. It’s hard for me to go around our hometown. I can feel the people’s glances on me. I’m not often there anymore. I used to participate in every stupid and useless event in that town. You always claimed that you hated them, but I always knew that deep inside of you, you just loved to mock them. You went to every single one of them with me…
I catch myself in thinking about you again. I just can’t help it. You are the major thought inside my head. All the time. I’m taking a deep breath now. I see Ms. Patty approaching me. But I don’t really am aware of her. I know she won’t say anything anyway. She won’t get an answer from my side. I pass her. I do know that it’s not friendly. It’s not her fault. It’s not anybody’s fault. But still, I’m not able to talk to her.
The gazebo becomes shape in front of me. I walk up these few stairs and sit down on one of the cold benches. I don’t know why I went here. I immediately regret it. I close my eyes, focusing on an event four years ago.

I slowly walk down the small path leading to the gazebo. My daughter and my best friend are walking a few feet in front of me. Both are wearing cute purple dresses. I see my kid looking back at me. Her face nearly shines, her smile couldn’t be any brighter. I looked down at myself. I’m wearing a white dress. It took me ages to pick that particular one. But now, it seems just perfect to me. Speaking of perfect, I look up the gazebo. And there you are standing besides the minister and your best man. I know Zack seems to be a weird choice for that but it feels right, you told me before. And Zack couldn’t probably be happier about it. I let my eyes wander on your body. I’ve always liked men in suits, but you’re the most gorgeous man, I’ve ever seen. The black suit fits you beautifully. As my eyes arrive at your face, my heart misses some beats. I’ve never seen you that glad. That caring. That touching. That relieved to see me.
I give you my best and brightest smile.
Finally, I’m standing beside you. The preacher keeps on talking. I don’t really listen to him. He’s not important. I just stare at your face. Smiling. Incredulous to be about to marry you. Nothing around me is important. Just you. Then, I hear your words.
“I do.”
I recover from some kind of trance and I’m aware of the words spoken.
“I do. Till death do us part,” I answer.

I open my eyes again. The gazebo is deserted. No priest, no Zack, no you. Tears keep on streaming down my cheeks. I haven’t even been aware that I was crying. I wipe them away. At least I kept my promise.
Till death do us part.
Death. Life. Everything in between. It doesn’t matter anyway, does it? All that counts is that I’m here. Alone. Without you.

I look down at the bench. There are some words engraved in it. I thoroughly read them.

Light up, light up. As if you have a choice. Even if you cannot hear my voice. I'll be right beside you ,dear.

I subtly shake my head. These lines don’t make any sense. They’re just not true. I can’t feel you, touch you, think about you, without grief. Why is the sun still shining, when everything feels just like rain? If I had one wish, it would be to see you again. But it’s not possible. Just not possible.
[FONT=&quot]So I’m searching for a possibility to be with you in a world that just won’t stop turning.[/FONT]