[Vevila]

Fandom: Gossip Girl
Title: Like A Liar
Author: Vevila
Characters: Rufus, Lily
Pairing: Rufus/Lily
Spoilers: None.
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I own nothing except for some DVDs and books.
Summary: They do what must be done. They want to stay together more than anything. And now they're forced to part. Rufus/Lily.
Author's Notes: I was listening to a song by Alexz Johnson and it made me think of Rufus/Lily. It's a bit depressing, sorry for that but it fits so perfectly. / Sorry für das ganze Englisch, aber auf Deutsch wirkt es einfach nicht. Und ich gehe auch gerne das Risiko ein, dass niemand Gossip Girl schaut.


Like A Liar

Quivering she sat on the tattered thing they called their couch. The springs poked through the once soft inner material, barely held up by the thick fabric of the cover. She shifted only an inch or so to avoid her left leg being pricked by one of the springs that may have gone astray. She looked out of the window and realized that it was dark already. So dark, so late.

Seconds felt like years and she wasn’t keen on what was to come. She wasn’t one who was easily afraid. But this time she was. She was so afraid of something so trivial. Time. How could someone be afraid of time? She let her thoughts wander; instinctively she knew that she wasn’t the only one afraid of time. Wasn’t that what they showed on TV all the time? That people weren’t afraid to die? They never were afraid of that. So many other things but never that. And most of all they were afraid of time. Time would swallow them like a child would swallow a drop of rain. It was always the same. Death is not the worst thing anyone could fear but time. Time you don’t have; time you spent for nothing; time in which you experienced the happiest moments in you life, fearing that it would end soon. And worst of all the time that passes so slowly that its only purpose seems to be to torture you.

A hysterical sob escaped her reddish lips and it took all her strength not to crumple the walls she had built around herself.

Life is never fair; she knew that all too well. And still she had hoped for her happy ending. The only thing she asked for was this and it was the only thing she couldn’t have. How ironic it all seemed. ‘All I want for you is to be happy.’ Her mother couldn’t have hit her any harder than that. Happiness. What did it mean if she couldn’t share her happiness with the one? What did happiness hold for her if she was to be torn away from the one person that really mattered to her? Happiness. Her mother’s definition included money, knowing the right people, high society. It couldn’t be farther away from her own version of happiness. Love, a tender kiss, a song only meant for her.

Barely a minute had passed but her posture hardly changed. More shifting, more shivering, a desperate sigh, a single tear. She couldn’t wait for him to come home and yet she feared it. How could she live in a world so cruel? Hadn’t Romeo and Juliet shown the world what it meant to love? And hell, she loved this man so ferociously, it tore her apart. She felt her heart twinge but it was futile to try and ignore the sudden pang. She’d never thought that the words ‘a broken heart’ could be understood quite literally. She wondered if she would ever heal again with her heart being torn in two and her love taken from her. It hurt to even think about it and yet she could not. More tears rolled down her cheeks that were now stained with make-up and mascara. She’d find herself looking at a suicidal Goth chick if she looked into a mirror. The tears could not be stopped and neither her train of thoughts. All revolved around him and what they had. And while they filled her mind with pictures of a life that seemed too far away now, she slowly slid onto the cold wooden floor not noticing the man behind her.
He dared not to talk to her. He’d seen the tears before he had heard her sobs, he’d seen her shaking before he had actually entered the room. He knew what was to come. They’d always known that they couldn’t stay together until the very end but still both had hoped to have their happy ending. Silently he moved over to her, putting his hand on her right shoulder. It wouldn’t comfort her, not now, not ever again but it was all they had left. It was so hard to see her like this, to know what had happened. What was worse, he couldn’t help her and neither could she help him. Maybe they really were like Romeo and Juliet, like all these unfortunate couples that were more in love than anyone had ever been and yet they had been torn apart.

“How long?” His voice was barely a whisper but he couldn’t bear to speak louder. He couldn’t bear to form the truth in sensible sentences knowing perfectly well that she wouldn’t want to hear him wasting his beautiful voice with statements too painful to be real. Slowly she leaned into his touch, wanting to stay like this forever. It took her a long time until she could answer.

“Tomorrow”, she eventually replied, her voice hoarse and shaky.
“So soon. I – I would’ve thought she’d give us more time. Just one more day.” He cupped his face in his hands, not wanting her to see the despair on his face and she scooted closer to him, clinging to his leg.

“I know.” What would she do without him? And what would he do without her? There were so many things still ahead of them and so much time to spend but they weren’t granted such a luxury. Both were silent. They didn’t want to destroy even the last remains of what they had. Absently she played with the engagement ring he had given her. Engaged. They hadn’t had the chance to get married. Of course they could’ve gone to Vegas but they wanted something more appropriate. It was only a certificate, a piece of paper. Maybe it was fate that they didn’t have that. They didn’t need it anyway. They loved each other no matter what and they didn’t need a damn certificate to know that they belonged together.

“Promise me something.” It was a shame really. He couldn’t even bear to look at her anymore. He couldn’t bring himself to look at the most beautiful woman on this earth just because he knew it would hurt him even more. She didn’t look at him either. Her eyes were locked on a spot on the wooden floor, not daring to even glance at him.

“Anything. I’ll promise you anything.”

“Don’t – don’t try to…” but his voice failed to carry on. Even his voice knew that this was so wrong. His whole body didn’t work properly anymore.

“I won’t. I’d never do that as long as you’re still here.” Here. Both knew the deeper meaning of that word. Here. Still alive. It was such a lie to say they couldn’t live without each other. They could. They would. Even if it was the hardest thing to do in their whole lives. They could live without each other as long as the other was still somewhere.

“You need to do something for me, Rufus.” Her tears had stopped but her voice was still fragile. She was so fragile. Nothing of her showed that she usually was such a powerful and beautiful woman. She was still beautiful but her features showed only the fragile remnants of her strength. And yet she was able to love someone so fiercely that it could break her. It would break her.

“Anything, Lily. Anything for you.”

“Lie to me. Tell me you love me like a star. Tell me you want me wherever you are. Tell me you’ll breathe me till your last breath. Lie to me and tell me that we’ll have all the time in the world.” Another sob slipped through her teeth, another tear dripped down her chin and suddenly she lunged at him so violently that they almost knocked over the couch. Her lips hungrily searched for his, for his approval, for his last touch, for his heart. Because this was all they would get.