thx Ceddy :knuddel:
Eigentlich wart ich ja immer noch auf FB von Mel das sie mir schon seit wochen versprochen hat... aber da dieses Kapitel eh schon lange fertig is, kann ich es auch posten ^^
ich warn euch aber nur... dies kapi hat viele tippfehler, da ich das in totaler eile geschrieben hatte nd zu faul war die tippfehler rauszunehmen...
Chapter 9
Luke was in shock. Was this a dream? Did he really just hear Lorelai’s voice? His heart was racing. He slowly looked down and immediately knew that it hadn’t been a dream.
Lorelai was lying bundled up in his arms, her whole body shaking. She was crying and whimpering like a dog that just got kicked by its owner. Whimpering. He had never heard her whimper before. Every time she had cried she had done it in total silence. Only tears had been running down her cheeks and an occasional sniff could be heard. But this time… this time she was crying like she never had before in his presence. She was whimpering and sobbing, her whole body shaking from the force of her tears. Her hands were clutching the blanked that was wrapped around them.
Luke had totally no idea what to do. He really had heard Lorelai’s voice. And not in a normal way. She had been screaming. He had been able to hear all her fear and distress in her voice. He had to know what the hell happened that made her so weak.
Looking down at her he realized that he wouldn’t get a word out of her now while she was in this condition. If he would be able to get her to explain everything, now was definitely not the moment. So he just wrapped his arms around her and rocked her back and forth carefully to calm her.
It took him a while to calm her down but she stopped shaking and sobbing eventually. Luke stroked some hair out of her face.
“Lorelai?”, he asked in a low voice but she didn’t react at all. Luke turned her around so that she was looking at him.
“Lorelai, talk to me”, but she just turned back around. Luke was getting frustrated but he knew that he had to control his temper. He was just so worried about her, about what happened that made her so vulnerable. He really wanted to help her but how was he supposed to do that if she wouldn’t tell him what happened?
Luke got Lorelai to sit up so he put his hands on her upper arms and tried to look into her eyes but she always looked away again.
“Please, talk to me, Lorelai”, he begged her “something terrible must have happened to you”, he went on “I wanna help you; I really think I can help you but for me to do so I need you to tell me what happened.” For a moment everything was quiet but then Lorelai looked up to him. Her eyes sad and teary.
“I… I can’t, Luke”, was all she said before she got up and went downstairs. Luke gave her a minute before he went downstairs as well. He saw her sitting on her couch starring at the empty wall between her TV and the stairs. But Lukes first way led him into the kitchen where he turned Lorelai’s new shiny coffeemaker on before walking back into the living room. He sat down next to her and Lorelai immediately snuggled up to him, hiding her face in his chest. Luke could, again, do nothing that putting his arms around her in comfort.
“You know you can trust me, right?”, he asked, trying again to get her to talk. She only nodded her head. He sighed.
“Then what’s keeping you from telling me?” She looked up and into his eyes.
“It hurts, Luke. It is hurting enough right now but everything will come back to me if I tell you. Every memory, every feeling. I don’t think I can take it.” They didn’t break eye contact until Luke moved to kiss her forehead and got up.
“Stay here, I’ll be right back”, was all he said before he went upstairs. A few minutes later he came downstairs again, went into the kitchen and immediately went upstairs again. Lorelai frowned in confusion. The next time he came back down again he came over to her, pulled her up and led her back upstairs to the bedroom. A dim light was on, a boy of tissues, a thermos of coffee and a chocolate bar were lying on the bedside table and the bed was still unmade. Lorelai was confused. Luke wrapped his arms around her from behind and whispered in her ear:
“I think it’s time for you to talk about it. I can’t take all the pain from you but I’m gonna try to make it less painful as good as I can.”
Lorelai sighed and leaned back into his embrace. He was right. It’s been so long since everything has happened. She needed to get this all off her chest and who knows maybe it’ll really help her. She took a deep breath.
“Okay”,she said and Luke put three butterfly kisses on her neck before he sat down on the bed with his back against the headboard. Lorelai crawled in as well and leaned against his chest. Luke filled a cup of coffee for her and she took a sip.
“Hmmm, did I ever tell you that your coffee is the best?”, she asked. Luke just smiled and shook his head. After a few more minutes of silence she started to speak.
“You probably know that I am from Hartford. Well, I was born in one of those rich snob families. My parents sent me to private schools and I always had a nanny. I had to go to cotillions and all that stuff. I really hated that life”, she stopped for a second and took another sip of her coffee.
“And when I was 15 I had a boyfriend. Christopher. He and I knew each other since kindergarten. Thinking back to it now I think we only got together to aggravate our parents. One day when we go home from school my parents weren’t home and Chris and I had a little fun with my dad’s liquor. And… uhm… well, after that Chris and I had… let’s say we had a little fun on my balcony.” Lorelai felt uncomfortable telling him this but she knew that she had to tell him this. Putting her empty coffee cup aside she turned her head to look for his reaction to this new information. Luke just smiled at her reassuringly and gave her a kiss on the cheek as a sign for her that he was okay and that she should go on. After Lorelai had filled her coffee cup again she continued.
“Around three months later I was about to have another cotillion and when I had to put on my dress for pictures it didn’t fit anymore… I was pregnant.” This time she stopped because now she was getting to the hard part. She took a deep breath to try and stop her eyes from tearing up. That was when she remembered that this all probably had an effect on Luke, too. Lorelai turned around just to see Luke starring in to space.
“Luke?”, she asked gently and he snapped out of his trance.
“You were p…pregnant?”, he stuttered in disbelieve “but you don’t have a b-…”, but Loelai stopped him from saying more.
“Let me continue first, okay?”, she asked and he nodded. Lorelai leaned back against his chest and continued her story.
“Well. You can imagine how my parents reacted to it. I mean, how was my mother supposed to explain to her even more snobby friends from the DAR that her teenage daughter was pregnant.”
“DAR?”, Luke asked, interrupting her again.
“Daughters of the American Revolution… anyways, my and Chris’ parents had a meeting about it and their first solution was that we should get married so that it at least wouldn’t be a illegitimate kid. Chris was okay with it but I said no. I didn’t wanna get married only because I was having a baby and I was way to young to get married. So, they had another idea to ‘fix the problem’”
---Flashback---
A young Lorelai came running down the stairs in her parent’s house.
“You can’t get me to do this. There is no way that I’m gonna do this!”, she yelled. Emily came down the stairs after her in a much more graceful way.
“I am not discussing that with you, young lady. We are your parents and you have to do what we tell you. You are still a kid. You don’t know yet what the best for you is.” Lorelai was furious. She couldn’t believe what she was hearing.
“I’m not a kid anymore, mother. The minute the strip turned pink I stopped being a kid and started being a mother.” Emily huffed and crossed her arms.
“You are hardly a mother, Lorelai. You are not even in your second trimester.”
“Yeah, but I will be in a week.”
“No you won’t”, Emily countered. She felt like she was talking to a kid and not to her teenage daughter.
“For the last time: I’m not getting rid of this baby!”, she said putting her hand securely on her stomach as if she’d protect it like that.
“Yes, you will. I made an appointment for you in an hour.” Lorelai was shocked.
“Forget it! I will not get rid of it. This is my life and my baby and I make the decisions for my and its life.” With these words she ran out of the house.
---End Flashback---
Luke was trying to process it all. Lorelai had been pregnant with sixteen and her own parents wanted her to get rid of it. It was unbelievable. He remembered his sister’s early pregnancy. She hadn’t been that much older than Lorelai but his dad would’ve never forced her to get rid of it. The short time he had known Jess he had loved him dearly.
He looked over to Lorelai and saw an angry expression on her face. Starting to rub her arms he tried to get her to calm down a little again.
“So, did you… I mean, you said you wouldn’t but…” He stopped looking around uncomfortably. He had no idea what to do. Should he ask questions like these or should he just stay quiet and let her talk? Maybe it was easier for her if he’d just shut up.
“I’m sorry. Go on. I’ll be quiet now”. He said and leaned back. Lorelai smiled and intertwined her fingers with his that were lying on her stomach.
“No, it’s okay Luke. And no, I didn’t”, she answered his question.
“My parent dragged me to the doctor’s office. They even stayed in the waiting room with me so that I wouldn’t run away. But they weren’t clever enough. When the nurse called my name I followed her but before we went into the next room I asked her if I could use the bathroom first. She said it was okay so I went into the bathroom and climbed out the window.” Luke chuckled at that but he was immediately serious again when Lorelai continued talking.
“I hid at my best friend’s house for the next week. No one knew that I was there besides her. By the time I went back home I had already reached my second trimester and it was too late for an abortion. My parents were really mad at me and didn’t talk to me for over a week but after that they seemed fine. I don’t know… I mean they weren’t happy about it but they also didn’t say anything about “fixing the problem” anymore.” And then, a few months later, I started to have contractions while watching TV. My parents weren’t home I called a cap and went to the hospital. Some long hours later I gave birth.” That’s when the tears started to roll freely down her cheeks. Luke just pulled her closer for comfort. She freed one arm from his embrace and reached under her pillow where she had put the picture of the baby earlier when Luke had been in the bathroom to change. Her finger moved to the picture and she slowly started to trace the patterns of the baby.
“My baby girl”, she whispered, tears still running down her face.
“You can’t imagine how I felt the moment the nurse put her in my arms, Luke. It was amazing. When she opened her eyes for the first time and looked at me… she had me, Luke” she sniffed “I couldn’t believe it. That tiny little human being was my child. Even if she was just a few seconds old I could see me in her. She was a part of me. She was perfect.” Lorelai couldn’t hold it back anymore now. The silent tears that had run down her cheeks just a few minutes before were now like waterfalls and she started to sob again. Luke’s heart ached at the sight of her. He held her in his arms, rubbing his hands up and down her back and whispering a soothing “shhh” ever now and then. He wanted to tell her that everything was okay but it obviously wasn’t. Kissing the top of her head several times he started to feel helpless. It really hurt him to see her like this. He so badly wanted to take the pain from her but he couldn’t and he still didn’t know what else happened. So he waited. When her sobs had subsided after some time she looked up at him with her red and puffy eyes and just looked deep into his eyes trying to figure out what he thought. He gave her a warm smile and pushed a strand of hair behind her ear. Closing her eyes at his touch she snuggled even more up to him and put her head on his chest. Taking a deep breath of his scent she continued.
“We had to stay the night at the hospital. She was in my room the whole time except for the night. At around 8 that night the nurse came in to take her to the nursery. I gave her a last kiss on the cheek and watched her being wheeled out of my room. If I just would’ve known that it was the last time I’d see her…”
---Flashback---
Lorelai woke up the next day around noon slightly confused. It took her a few minutes to remember everything that had happened the day before. She smiled. A nurse came in and Lorelai looked a little disappointed that she came in alone. Without her baby. The nurse ran a few tests on her and told her that she could start packing her things to go home and that the doctor would be there in a few minutes with her discharge papers. Happily Lorelai got dressed and started packing her things together. When the doctor came in she signed the papers and asked him where she could pick up her daughter.
“I’m sorry, Miss Gilmore, your daughter isn’t here anymore. Your mother picked her up earlier”, the doctor said and Lorelai frowned.
“My mother? Why would my mother pick up my baby?” The doctor looked at her confused.
“She told me that you wanted her to pick her up.”
“I never told her that. I haven’t seen her for two days”, and with that she ran out of the room and the hospital. She jumped into the first cap she could get and told the driver her address.
When the cap stopped in her driveway she just threw some bills at the driver and ran to the door. She pushed the door open and stepped into the hall.
“Mom?”, she yelled but didn’t get any response.
“Mom, answer me, damn it”, she yelled again but everything was silent. Lorelai dropped her back in the middle of the hall and ran up the stairs to her room. When she opened the door and looked around she’d faint any second. Her room was…her room. There was no sign that there was supposed to be a baby there. The crib and the changing table she had bought were gone. She ran into the room and opened the two drawers of her closet but they were empty. All the onesies and little baby clothes she had bough were gone. Nothing she had bought for the baby was there anymore. No bottles, no diapers, no baby rattle. Nothing.
Lorelai was frantic. What happened here? Where did all the stuff go and most important of all where was her daughter? She jumped up and ran out of her room.
“Where the hell are you, mother?”, she yelled again running around like crazy. When she reached the stairs she heard the door to the patio close and her mother’s voice.
“Stop yelling, Lorelai. I told you often enough to not yell in the house. And come down here dinner will be ready soon.” Lorelai almost flew down the stairs in anger and stopped in front of Emily.
“Where is my baby and where did all the baby stuff go?”, she screamed at Emily in total rage. Emily just looked at her like a innocent angel.
“What baby? What baby stuff?”, she asked like everything had never happened. Lorelai couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Did her mother think she was stupid?
“Are you freaking kidding me, mother?”
“Watch you language, young lady”, Emily scowled.
“I’m not gonna watch my language until you tell me what you did with my baby!” Lorelai was really furious. She really had to contain herself to not grab Emily and shake her like crazy. Emily’s expression got serious and she looked into Lorelai’s eyes.
“She’s gone. If anyone should ever ask you, you never had a baby!” And with that Emily turned around and walked into the dining room. Lorelai just stood there starring at the space Emily had stood a few seconds before. Her baby was gone. Her beautiful little baby girl. She didn’t even have 24 hours with her kid and now it was gone. Lorelai could literally feel her heart break in millions of pieces. She felt her bones getting weak and the next thing she knew she was lying on the living room floor, crying and shaking and the last thing she heard before she fainted was her mother calling: “Lorelai, come in here, dinner is ready”.
---End Flashback---
“Later my dad told me that she gave her away to some couple that always wanted to have a kid but couldn’t.” Lorelai finished her story, crying really hard again. It was like she lived all that again. And Luke… Luke was speechless. Her own mother gave away Lorelai’s baby. Her grandchild. Just like that, without Lorelai knowing about it. It was unbelievable. It almost made Luke cry too.
“And you know” Lorelai started again “She didn’t want me to talk to anyone about it. She told everyone who knew that I was pregnant that I had a miscarriage. So, every time someone wanted to talk to me about my “miscarriage” I just couldn’t say anything because it wasn’t true but no one would’ve believed me if I would’ve told them that my mother gave my baby away. After some time I just stopped talking at all. I thought if I wouldn’t talk to anybody that no one would know what’s going on with me and if no one new no one could hurt me again. My parents tried so hard sometimes to get me to talk but I didn’t. Especially not to them. And the day I ran away from home and came here my mom told me that she made an appointment with a shrink because it wouldn’t be normal not to talk. But in my opinion shrinks are something for crazy people and I’m not crazy, am I?”, she asked, looking Luke in the eye. Luke gave her a reassuring kiss and cupped her face with his hands.
“No, you’re not crazy, Lorelai. You’re absolutely not crazy. You had every right to not talk anymore. Your own parents took your baby from you. I still can’t believe that someone can be this cruel. And I swear, your parents can be happy that I not know where they live or they would have a serious problem now. You just have to know that I’m here for you. I’m on your side supporting you in whatever will happen. You’re not alone, okay?” Lorelai gave him a teary smile and nodded.
“I know, Luke but it hurts so much. It really hurts that my baby is out there somewhere and I don’t even know what she looks like. I’m not there for her first smile, her first laugh, her first word, tooth, step or her first day at kindergarten. I don’t see her growing up. She’s a part of me and it is like a part of me is missing and doing its own thing without me knowing. It just hurts so much!” Luke wrapped his arms back around her midsection and hugged a crying Lorelai to his body.
“I know it hurts, honey, I know.”
[SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
Edward: "You're the most important thing to me now. The most important thing to me ever."
♥ Bella&Edward ♥
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